WELCOME to FRIDAY OCTOBER 2, 2020 Weekend Punography
1. I got fired from the calendar factory, just for taking a day off.
2. Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland? A: Well, the flag is a big plus.
3. Clones are people two.
4. I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn’t find a manual.
5. Napoleon may not have designed his coat, but he did have a hand in it.
8. I put up a high-voltage electric fence around my house. My neighbor is dead against it.
9. What are windmills’ favorite genre of music? They’re big metal fans.
10. The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
11. Shopping centers, you’ve seen one, you’ve seen the mall.
12. My ceiling isn’t the best, but it’s up there.
13. I love whiteboards. They’re re-markable.
14. Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? AIreland. Every day it’s Dublin.
15. The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working. It doesn’t make any cents.
16. I tried to make a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
17. I went to a new mechanic. They came highly wreck-a-mended.
18. What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? A hippo is really heavy, and a Zippo is a little lighter.
19. Yesterday a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester.
20. Why can’t you run through a campground? You can only ran, because it’s past tents.
21. Becoming a vegetarian is a big missed steak.
22. Why can’t Harry Potter tell the difference between his potion pot and his best friend? They’re both cauld ron.
23. An atom lost an electron. It really should keep an ion them.
24. What’s the best time on a clock? 6:30, hands down.
25. Please don’t make my funeral too early. I’m not really a mourning person.
26. I got fired from the bank. A man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over.
27. Why did the lizard say he named his baby “Tiny?” Because he’s my newt.
Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT
WEEKEND people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.”– Benjamin Franklin
“Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?”– Benny Hill
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”– Bernard Baruch
“Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.”– Bertrand Russell
“The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.”– Bertrand Russell
“Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.”– Betty White
G u a r a n t e e d t o R o l l Y o u r E y e s! Five surgeons were talking about the best patients…First surgeon says, “Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything on the inside is numbered.”
Second surgeon says, “Nah – librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”
Third surgeon responds, “Try electricians, man! Everything inside them is color coded!”
Fourth surgeon intercedes,” I prefer lawyers. They’re heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and butts are interchangeable.”To which the fifth surgeon, who has been quietly listening to the conversation, says, “I like engineers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end.”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” “Just keep swimming.”
Answer: “Finding Nemo”Ellen DeGeneres is brilliant as the voice of the blue tang fish, Dory, in 2003’s animated “Finding Nemo”. She teams up with Nemo’s dad Marlin, a clown fish voiced by Albert Brooks, to find little, lost Nemo. Dory has a very short memory, and she is alternately both amusing and inspirational. In their search, they encounter all kinds of dangers, e.g., sharks and jellyfish; The line is said by Dory says “When life gets you down do you wanna know what you gotta do…just keep swimming”; she says it over and over, and turns it into a song.The other lines come from Norman Bates, Andy Dufresne and Dorothy Gale.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????“Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn’t one today.”
Thursday’s Quizzler is….A little shop in New York is called The Seven Bells, yet it has eight bells hanging outside. Why?
Answer: It was originally a mistake, but the shopkeeper found that so many people came into his shop to point out the mistake that it increased his business.
Friday’s Quizzler is……. The following clues each form a unique word by themselves, add them together to get the name of a country. Example: blue and yellow mixed + solid ground = ? Answer: green + land = Greenland
1. something that will make you sick + an indefinite number = ?
2. half of the width of an em + an organ for secreting = ?
3. a swindle + to move or travel = ?
4. an animal’s shelter + a visible sign = ?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:http://www.slampi.org, https://elisabethluxe.com, http://www.themuscleministry.com.CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.