Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!


1. Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side.

2. What kind of concert only costs 45 cents? A 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback.

3. What did the grape say when it got crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

4. I want to be cremated as it is my last hope for a smoking hot body.

5. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

6. To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

7. I had a crazy dream last night! I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea.

8. A crazy wife says to her husband that moose are falling from the sky. The husband says, it’s reindeer.

9. Ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.

10. Geology rocks but Geography is where it’s at!

11. What was Forrest Gump’s email password? 1forrest1

12. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? I heard the food was good but it had no atmosphere.

13. Can February March? No, but April May.

14. Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.

15. I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.

16. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.

17. My grandpa has the heart of the lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

18. Why was Dumbo sad? He felt irrelephant.

19. A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.

20. I lost my mood ring and I don’t know how to feel about it!

21. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

22. So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means? It’s not the end of the world!

23. My friend drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how his Mercedes bends.

24. Becoming a vegetarian is one big missed steak.25. I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.  
Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT
MONDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!Peace, I am  outta here!  Eucman!  

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y  
“A man in Ireland has created a working Batman outfit with 23 different features. So now he just has to sit backand wait for somebody to murder his parents.” -Seth Meyers

“The investment banking firm Goldman Sachs joined Instagram in an attempt to endear themselves to a new generation. Today, Goldman posted a meme that said, ‘We’re the reason your parents lost your childhood home.'” -Conan O’Brien

“I saw that Gucci debuted a pair of leather underwear for men. Leather underwear. The designers were like, ‘How can we make a humid day a thousand times worse?'” -Jimmy Fallon

G u a r a n t e e d   t o   R o l l  Y o u r   E y e s! While waiting in line at a busy airport check-in counter, I noticed a set of rambunctious little boys in front of me. As the line inched along, their mother tried in vain to get them to calm down. Finally she reached the counter, where the ticket agent asked her, “Have any of the items you plan to take with you on this flight been out of your immediate control since your arrival at the airport? “The young mother replied honestly, “The luggage, no; the children, yes.” 😱😁😎

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”    “Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn’t one today.” 

Answer:  “Groundhog Day”  The answer is Bill Murray as weatherman Phil Conners, in the fantasy/comedy “Groundhog Day”. The premise is that Phil gets caught in a ‘time warp’ and the same day keeps repeating over and over (until he gets it right). Phil makes this comment to Rita, his potential girlfriend. A very egocentric Phil first takes advantage of the situation, but then realizes he needs to make some changes. Bill Murray earned an Emmy Award for his performance on “Saturday Night Live”, and for Best Supporting Actor in “Olive Kittridge” (2015), and a Golden Globe Award for “Lost in Translation” in 2004. All the choices were in “Ghostbusters” in 1984.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???? “I’ll have what she’s having”

Friday’s Quizzler is….​The following clues each form a unique word by themselves, add them together to get the name of a country. Example: blue and yellow mixed + solid ground = ? Answer: green + land = Greenland
1. something that will make you sick + an indefinite number = ?
2. half of the width of an em + an organ for secreting = ?
3. a swindle + to move or travel = ?
4. an animal’s shelter + a visible sign = ? 
Answer:  1. germ + any = Germany
2. en + gland = England
3. con + go = Congo
4. den + mark = Denmark  

Monday’s Quizzler is……. Which one of the following does not belong with the others?

Binoculars, eyeglasses, goggles, handlebars, jeans, pliers, scissors, shoes, tweezers

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at, WEBSITE LINKS:,, THIS BOOK OUT online at, The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.

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