WELCOME to FRIDAY OCTOBER 23, 2020
REALLY BAD WEEKEND PUNAGRAPHY…..
What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine? He’s fully recovered.
Why didn’t the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
What kind of egg did the evil chicken lay? A deviled egg.
Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.
Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella? Fo’ Drizzle.
What did the fisherman say to the magician? Pick a cod, any cod.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold.
How do you organize a space party? You planet.
Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth? It’s pasteurized before you even see it.
Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.
What does a baby computer call his father? Data.
Did you hear about the power outlet who got into a fight with a power cord? He thought he could socket to him.
Why are elevator jokes so good? They work on so many levels.
Why can’t a leopard hide? Because he’s always spotted.
How do moths swim? Using the butterfly stroke.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? 10 tickles.
Do you know the story about the chicken that crossed the border? Me neither, I couldn’t follow it.
I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!
Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT WEEKEND people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
Laughter is a sense of proportion and a power of seeing yourself from the outside. — Zero Mostel
Laughter is God’s hand on the shoulder of a troubled world. — Bettenell Huntznicker
Laughter is the corrective force which prevents us from becoming cranks. — Henri Bergson
Laughter is the foundation of reconciliation. — St. Francis de Sales
Laughter is the loaded latency given us by nature as part of our native equipment to break up the stalemates of our lives and urge us on to deeper and more complex forms of knowing. — Jean Houston
Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. — Victor Borge
Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face. — Victor Hugo
Laughter lets me relax. It’s the equivalent of taking a deep breath, letting it out and saying, ‘This, too, will pass’. — Odette Pollar
Laughter opens the lungs, and opening the lungs ventilates the spirit. — Unknown
Laughter serves as a blocking agent. Like a bulletproof vest, it may help protect you against the ravages of negative emotions that can assault you in disease. — Norman Cousins
G u a r a n t e e d t o R o l l Y o u r E y e s! A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card that he had printed “Revelation 3:20” on the back of it for just such an occasion, and stuck it in the door. When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned.
Added to it was this cryptic message, “Genesis 3:10.” Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins “Behold, I stand at the door and knock.” Genesis 3:10 reads, “I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.” “A cheerful heart is good medicine” (Prov. 17:22)😏😁😎
Thursdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” “Can’t, can’t you understand what’s happening here? Don’t you see what’s happening? Potter isn’t selling. Potter’s buying! And why? Because we’re panicky and he’s not. That’s why. He’s pickin’ up some bargains. Now, we-we can get through this thing all right. We’ve, we’ve got to stick together, though. We’ve got to have faith in each other!”
Answer: It’s a Wonderful LifeAs a young man, George Bailey planned to see (and conquer) the world, but his father’s death meant he had to stay in Bedford Falls and manage the family business, lest it be taken over by the rich and miserly Mr Potter, which would be disastrous for the “ordinary townsfolk” who needed a sympathetic lending agency in town. The run on the bank that led to the speech in the question is resolved by using the money for his honeymoon to satisfy worried customers, and he never does manage to leave Bedford Falls. Years later, another financial crisis engineered by Potter has him on the verge of suicide, before an apprentice angel named Clarence makes him realise how important his life has been to all the town, not least his family. The movie ends with all the townspeople contributing what they can to provide more than sufficient funds to resolve the crisis, and we all feel warm and fuzzy.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“My friends, my friends, I have a speech here. It’s a speech about what this state needs. There’s no need in my telling you what this state needs. You are the state and you know what you need. You over there, look at your pants. Have they got holes in the knees? Listen to your stomach. Did you ever hear it rumble for hunger? And you, what about your crops? Did they ever rot in the field because the road was so bad you couldn’t get ’em to market? And you, what about your kids? Are they growin’ up ignorant as dirt, ignorant as you ’cause there’s no school for ’em? … Now listen to me, you hicks! Listen to me, and lift up your eyes and look at God’s blessed and unfly-blown truth.
Thursday’s Quizzler is….
(Estimate/Never)^(+Thinking) – 2 Answer: Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.
“Never” is under “estimate”, and this is raised “to the power of positive thinking.” The “to” is removed by subtracting it at the end.
Friday’s Quizzler is…….
Below are four epitaphs (writing on gravestones). From the writings, can you tell the occupation of each person?
1. Here lies Mortimer Bibbs.He took part of ours and gave it to big brother, but he always had good form.
2. Here lies Dirk McDuff, who toppled giants with weapons of steel. If only he’d heard his partner’s shout before the giants found their revenge.
3. Here lies Suzy Smelt. She constructed many a bomb but mostly brought smiles to our faces.
4. Here lies Ethel Grant. She spent her whole life fighting with what she will now become.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:http://www.slampi.org, https://elisabethluxe.com, http://www.themuscleministry.com.CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.