Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to MONDAY OCTOBER 26, 2020

Bumper Stickers….

My karma ran over your dogma.

I brake for… wait… AAAH! NO BRAKES!!!!!

A fool and his money are a girl’s best friend.

I’m not driving fast-just flying low.

Help starve a feeding bureaucrat.

My other vehicle is a Romulan Warbird!

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

“I is a college student.”

If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.

Gravity- It’s not just a good idea, it’s the LAW!

Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Life is too complicated in the morning.

All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.

The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography

Nobody’s perfect. I’m a Nobody.

My wife said “If you go hunting or fishing one more time I’m going to leave you” …I’m sure going to miss her.

Ask me about my vow of silence.

Today’s subliminal message is: ( ) 

Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREATMONDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here!  Eucman!  

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y   

All generalizations are bad. R.H. Grenier

All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. Jane Wagner,  
The large print giveth, but the small print taketh away. Tom Waits, Small Change

Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines. Attributed to Jason Hutchison  

After all, what is your host’s purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they’d have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi. P.J. O’Rourke

How come there’s only one Monopolies Commission? Nigel Rees

If you teach your children nothing else, teach them the Golden Rule and “righty-tighty, lefty-loosey.” Robert Brault.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. Elayne Boosler  

G u a r a n t e e d   t o   R o l l  Y o u r   E y e s! 

M&M’s: The Theory of Evolution. Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger,I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to: M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc. Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.”😱

Fridays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”     “My friends, my friends, I have a speech here. It’s a speech about what this state needs. There’s no need in my telling you what this state needs. You are the state and you know what you need. You over there, look at your pants. Have they got holes in the knees? Listen to your stomach. Did you ever hear it rumble for hunger? And you, what about your crops? Did they ever rot in the field because the road was so bad you couldn’t get ’em to market? And you, what about your kids? Are they growin’ up ignorant as dirt, ignorant as you ’cause there’s no school for ’em? … Now listen to me, you hicks! Listen to me, and lift up your eyes and look at God’s blessed and unfly-blown truth. 

Answer:   The 1949 film ‘All the King’s Men’ relates the story of the rise and fall of a populist demagogue who delivers a drunken speech while campaigning for governor. 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“Always the same narrow people, the same mindless FACES”

Friday’s Quizzler is….​

Below are four epitaphs (writing on gravestones). From the writings, can you tell the occupation of each person?
1. Here lies Mortimer Bibbs.He took part of ours and gave it to big brother, but he always had good form.
2. Here lies Dirk McDuff, who toppled giants with weapons of steel. If only he’d heard his partner’s shout before the giants found their revenge.
3. Here lies Suzy Smelt. She constructed many a bomb but mostly brought smiles to our faces.
4. Here lies Ethel Grant. She spent her whole life fighting with what she will now become.
Answer:
  1. Mortimer was a tax man.2. Dirk was a lumberjack (and died because he didn’t hear his partner yell “Timber!”).3. Suzy was a comedienne.4. Ethel was a maid, always fighting dust (referring to “ashes to ashes and dust to dust”).

Monday’s Quizzler is…….

Decipher this phrase-
NHAPPY

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:http://www.slampi.org, https://elisabethluxe.com, http://www.themuscleministry.com.CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.

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