Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!


Here’s the Story….  One day, an elderly woman was walking along the street, coming home from the supermarket. Her bag of groceries was especially heavy that day, and as she passed Nathan Hale’s Used Cars, she got an idea that she could drive herself to the store and save a lot of shoe leather, time and aching muscles. She walks into the car dealership and, as it just so happens, gets the owner himself. He asks her what kind of car she wants and she replies,
“Well, sonny, I can’t remember the name exactly, but it has something to do with hate or anger.”
The owner replies, “Well, let’s see… Oh yes, you want a Plymouth Fury! We have a couple on the lot. What color do you prefer?”
The lady has some trouble explaining the exact color to him, so she reaches into her shopping bag, takes out an ear of corn, strips down the shucks and says, “I want this color sonny.”
To which Nathan replies, “Ma’am I’m sorry, but we don’t have any in this color. Could I show you a nice blue one?” “No son, I want this color.” “But ma’am, they didn’t make that color! Maybe a cherry red one would suit you?” says the owner, obviously worried about losing a sale.
By this time, the old lady gets mad, and starts throwing things at the owner, thereby chasing him out of the office and into the lot. One of the salesmen, coming into the office from the back door, notices the disruption and asks the secretary what the old woman was so upset about.
The secretary replies, “Apparently, Hale hath no Fury like the woman’s corn!”  
Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT
MONDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here!  Eucman!  

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y   

I saw a sign at a gas station. It said “Help Wanted.” There was another sign below it that said “Self Service.” So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

I’m kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.

I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The teamscored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game *he* was watching was better.

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it. 

G u a r a n t e e d   t o   R o l l  Y o u r   E y e s! A Grandmother was surprised by her 7-year-old grandson one morning when he had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom there were three of those little green army men in the cup. She said, “Honey, what are the army men doing in my coffee?” Her grandson said, “Grandma, it says on TV-‘The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!'”  

Fridays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”      “The fat hobbit, he knows. Eyes always watching.”  

Answer: “The Two Towers”  Which quiz about movie quotes would be complete without a line from the great one-person dialogs of Smeagol and Gollum from the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy? This one is taken from the middle segment, “The Two Towers”, with Gollum’s dual personalities discussing whether he/they should trust the hobbits or not. It is spoken by the “good” Smeagol personality as an argument why the “evil” Gollum should not try anything dishonest on Frodo. The distrust between Sam and Gollum is mutual and runs very deep.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“We’ll always have RHYTHM”

Friday’s Quizzler is….​ This one is a “mental” exercise – don’t use paper and scissors – just imagine in your mind:
Take a sheet of paper – any size that you happened to have (remember, just imagine this paper). Now fold this sheet of paper in half and now fold it in half again, at right angles to the first fold. Now you have four thicknesses of paper. Now imagine you use scissors and cut through all four thicknesses, right down the middle of the paper, parallel to the first fold you made. Now, imagine, how many pieces of paper do you have now? Don’t get paper and scissors to solve this one – try to picture this in your mind!

You will have 3 pieces of paper after the cut. It won’t matter which direction you make the cut with the scissors – you’ll end up with 3 pieces of paper. Don’t believe it? Now go get the paper and scissors and actually do this – you’ll see! 

Monday’s Quizzler is……. There are five doors, one leads to the exit, the others lead to traps. They are in a line. The clues tell you which position the doors are in the line and where the door to freedom is. All the clues are true. Each door has a clue written on it. The clues read:
The blue door: This door is two spots away from the door to freedom.The red door: This door is at the far right, and is two spots away from the blue door.The purple door: This door is not next to the door to freedom.The green door: This door is left of the blue door.The orange door: This door is not next to the red or blue doors. Which door leads to freedom?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at, WEBSITE LINKS:,, THIS BOOK OUT online at, The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.

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