Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!


Real Court Excerpts…

Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he
just passes quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning?

Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, “I have to kill you because you can identify me.”
Q: Did he kill you?

Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Were you alone or by yourself?

Q: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture?
A: That’s me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Now then, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I’ll be three months on March 12th.
Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was around January 12th?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?

Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

So, you were gone until you returned?

You don’t know what it was, and you didn’t know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.

A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question,
interrupted himself and said, “Your Honor, I’d like to strike the next question.”

Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined that body of Mr. Huntington at St. Mary’s Hospital?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 5:30 P.M.
Q: And Mr. Huntington was dead at the time, is that correct?
A: No, you idiot, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was performing an autopsy on him!

Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT
MONDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

God help me, I’ve entered the Age of Skirted Swimwear. This
is the age right after Accessorizing with Reading Glasses
and a few years before Can’t Name Anyone on the Radio.

Applicants for jobs at the company where my friend Diana
works are asked to fill out a questionnaire. Among the
things candidates list is their high school and when they
attended. One prospective employee dutifully wrote the name
of his high school, followed by the dates attended: Monday,
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

According to a new medical study, it’s healthy for a wife to
get angry at her husband than to keep it all inside which can
lead to disease. So guys when the wife runs you over with the
SUV, she’s just trying to live a healthier lifestyle.”

G u a r a n t e e d t o R o l l Y o u r E y e s!
A noted biologist, who had been studying little green frogs in a swamp, was
stumped. The frog population, despite efforts at predator control, was declining
at an alarming rate. A chemist at a nearby college came up with a solution: The
frogs, due to a chemical change in the swamp water, simply couldn’t stay coupled
long enough to reproduce successfully. The chemist then brewed up a new adhesive
to assist the frogs’ togetherness, which included one-part sodium.
It seems the little green frogs needed some monosodium glue to mate. 😏

Fridays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“All you’ve ever NEEDED has always been right inside you”

Answer: “The Wizard of Oz”
Ending this quiz on a truly inspiring quote, this is said by the good witch Glinda, from “The Wizard of Oz”, to the Scarecrow, Tin Man and Cowardly Lion. She explains that the protagonists, who each sought out the Wizard to request something they felt they sorely lacked, actually had the abilities they were so desperately seeking – they just needed to believe in themselves and unlock their abilities. Glinda follows this up with several examples of where these characters, during their journey, have demonstrated the very traits they believed they lack.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“0.2… Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son”

Friday’s Quizzler is….​
Below are incomplete words. Replace the letters in each bracket so that you can
complete the word on the left and begin the word on the right. Good luck.
Indivi ( _ _ _ _ ) ity
Din ( _ _ _ ) ve
Can ( _ _ _ ) lar
Bru ( _ _ _ ) ly
L ( _ _ _ ) litude

Answer: Individual – duality
Dinner – nerve
Cancel – cellar
Brutal – tally
Lamp – amplitude

Monday’s Quizzler is…….
Five customers (Candy, Derek, John, Rose, and Steve), order lunch at a fast food restaurant. They order the following things, not in order: Cheeseburger, Salad, Chicken Strips, Hamburger and Fried Fish. Each customer asked for his or her meal to have extra sauce added to it (catsup, mustard, BBQ sauce, mayo or ranch dressing). Can you figure out who got what and in which order they were standing in line?


1) The first customer (who wasn’t a girl) isn’t the one who ordered a salad.
2) The salad did not get BBQ sauce on it.
3) Candy ate chicken for lunch and wasn’t last in line.
4) The person who asked for extra catsup had a cheeseburger.
5) John did not eat the mustard drenched fish.
6) Derek was in the exact middle of the line.
7) Steve was in line after the salad eater but before the mayo lover.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at,


CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at, The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.

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