Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to THURSDAY DECEMBER 3, 2020

THINKING OUT LOUD……..

Who is General failure and why is he reading my disk ?

The light went out, but where to ?

Why do banks charge you a “non-sufficient funds fee” on money they already know you don’t have?

Why is it you have a “pair” of pants and only one bra?

How come when I call Information, they can’t tell me where my keys are?

Why do people go to Burger King and Order a Double Whopper with a Large French Fry and insist on getting a Diet Coke?

Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?

Why is the alphabet in that order?

If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT
THURSDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater
and her figure described a set of parabolas
that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.
Woody Allen

She’s the kind of girl who climbed the
ladder of success, wrong by wrong.
Mae West

Show me a good loser and
I’ll show you a LOSER! David Brent

Some drink deeply from the river
of knowledge. Others only gargle.
Woody Allen

Some guy hit my fender and I said
“be fruitful and multiply” but not in those words.
Woody Allen

Some men are born mediocre, some men
achieve mediocrity, and some men have
mediocrity thrust upon them.
Joseph Heller
In Catch-22.

G u a r a n t e e d t o R o l l Y o u r E y e s!
A man standing in line at a checkout counter of a grocery store was very surprised
when a very attractive woman behind him said, “Hello!” Her face was beaming.
He gave her that “who are you look,” and couldn’t remember ever having seen her
before. Then, noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized.
“Look,” she said “I’m really sorry but when I first saw you, I thought you were the
father of one of my children,” and walked out of the store.
The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, “What is the world coming to?
Here is an attractive woman who can’t keep track of who fathers her children!”
Then he got a little panicky. “I don’t remember her,” he thought, but MAYBE, during
one of the fraternity parties he had been to when he was in college, perhaps he did
father her child! He ran from the store and caught her in the parking lot and asked,
“Are you the girl I met at a party in college and then we had a little too much to drink
and spent the night together but I never called you again afterward?”
“No”, she said with a horrified look on her face.
“I’m your son’s Sunday School teacher.” 😱😳😁😎

Wednesdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“You’re gonna need a bigger boat.”

Answer: “Jaws”
What more can be said about this iconic film that hasn’t already been listed time and time again? Not much. The first “true” summer blockbuster. The first film to reach $100 million in theatrical rentals. The highest grossing U.S. film of all time (until “Star Wars” two years later). An instantly reconizable musical score (composed by John Williams), and the list goes on. Directed by Steven Spielberg, the film also starred Robert Shaw, Richard Dreyfuss, and Lorraine Gary. Nominated for a Best Picture Oscar, “Jaws” won for Best Film Editing, Best Sound and Best Music (Original Score).

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“Houston, we have a problem.”

Wednesday’s Quizzler is….​
Emperor Akbar once ruled over India. He was a wise and intelligent ruler, and he had in his court the Nine Gems, his nine advisors, who were each known for a particular skill. One of these Gems was Birbal, known for his wit and wisdom. The story below is one of the examples of his wit. Do you have it in you to find out the answer?

Once Emperor Akbar ordered a horse to be delivered to Birbal so that he could easily move about the kingdom. The stable-keeper however, was extremely jealous of Birbal, and decided to deliver a sick and weak horse to him. The horse was delivered to Birbal’s stable. The next morning, when Birbal went to proudly leave his house on a horse, he found the horse was dead. Looking at the weak and frail horse, he understood what must have happened. However he could not insult the Emperor or his gift, so he kept silent. Unfortunately for him, the Emperor observed him entering the palace grounds on foot and, when he entered the court, the Emperor immediately questioned him about the horse. What was Birbal’s diplomatic and accurate reply?

Answer: Birbal knew he could not accuse the stable-keeper directly of sending a bad horse as, indirectly, he would be accusing the Emperor and, for that, he may well follow the horse into the nether world. So he brightened up and told the Emperor, “Sire, the horse that you gifted me was so fleet footed that it covered the long and vast distance between earth and heaven in a single night!” Hearing this, the stable-keeper, who went and hid behind a pillar when he saw Birbal come without the horse, rushed out and prostrated before the emperor, completely in a panic. He confessed his crime to the Emperor and begged for mercy. He also asked Birbal for forgiveness and waited for the Emperor to announce a suitable punishment for him. Emperor Akbar was pleased at Birbal’s sense of diplomacy which prevented him from directly accusing the stable-keeper of sending him a sick horse and ordered the stable-keeper to provide Birbal with a good quality horse. As his punishment, the stable-keeper was ordered to clean Birbal’s stable and groom his new horse for a whole year in addition to his normal duties as the royal stable-keeper.

Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
For each of the pairs of words below, insert a word in the blank space between them to form two separate words such that the inserted word finishes the first word and begins the second. For example, given “MAN __ ON”, you would insert the word “GO” to form “MANGO” and “GOON”. The hint gives the number of letters in each of the words that must be inserted.

BOW _ AGE GENE KING
LAND GOAT DIG SELF
PAR ___
ATE

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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