Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!


Future Novelists…….

Future Novelists… These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a thigh master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

He spoke with wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked
at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She grew on him like E. coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef.

She had a deep throaty genuine laugh like that sound a dog makes just before he throws up.

Her vocabulary was as bad, as, like, whatever.

He was a tall as a six-foot three-inch tree.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie surreal quality, like when
you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7 pm instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across a grassy field toward each
other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph,
the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resemble Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a really duck that
was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.

He was deeply in love when she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

Her voice had that tense grating quality, like a generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightening.

Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT
CHRISTMAS WEEKEND people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

Let yourself be open and life will be easier. A spoon of
salt in a glass of water makes the water undrinkable.
A spoon of salt in a lake is almost unnoticed. Unknown

Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity,
and responsibility to give something back by becoming more.
Anthony Robbins

I look at life as a gift of God. Now that he wants it back
I have no right to complain. Joyce Cary

The most important thing in life is not the triumph but
the struggle. The essential thing is not to have
conquered but to have fought well.
Pierre de Courbertin

G u a r a n t e e d t o R o l l Y o u r E y e s!
A man walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me two shots.” Bartender says,
“You want them both now or one at a time?” The guy says,” Oh, I want them both
now. One’s for me and one’s for this little guy here,” and he pulls a tiny three-inch man out of his pocket.
The bartender asks “He can drink?”
“Oh, sure. He can drink.”
So, the bartender pours the shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.
“That’s amazing” says the bartender. “What else can he do, can he walk?”
The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, “Hey, Jake. Go get that.”
The little guy runs down to the end of the bar and picks up the quarter. Then he runs back down and gives it to the man.
The bartender is in total shock. “That’s amazing” he says, “what else can he do? Does he talk?”
The man says “Sure he talks, hey, Jake, tell him about that time we were in
Africa and you made fun of that witch doctor’s powers!” 😳😁😎

Wednesdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Years ago, my mother used to say to me, she’d say, ‘In this world, Elwood, you must be’ – she always called me Elwood – ‘In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.’

Answer: Harvey!
This wonderful film is entitled: “Harvey.” The film is particularly delightful in the fact that it leaves the audience to imagine whether Harvey is, in fact, real or imaginary.

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“That was very romantic.”

Wednesday’s Quizzler is….​
I’m powerful enough to clean most anything,
Yet gentle enough to eat.

I’m used to make an explosion of sorts,
Yet can be found at millions of stores worldwide.

I can kill grass,
And even tenderize your meat.

I can clean up even the smelliest stench,
and soften your fabrics.

What am I?

Answer: Baking Soda.
It is used for a variety of cleaning.
It is a common ingredient in many baked foods.
It can react with vinegar to form an “explosion”. (Typically used in a “Baking Soda Volcano”).
It can be purchased at many stores around the world.

Baking soda can be used to kill crab grass.
It can speed up the tenderizing process of meat in stew.
It is used to remove odor in fabrics.
It is also used as a fabric softener.
The typo in the title is on purpose. “NaHCO3” is the chemical name for Baking Soda. Looks similar to “nacho”, doesn’t it?

Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
Customer services at RightWrite headquarters received the following letter recently. Luckily their top puzzle solvers
were able to determine the meaning and help Mrs Miggins. Can you work it out what her problem was?

Da S,

ld lk cmlan ab h f m .

hs ls aa n k ccl.

As can s, hs ls a mssng fm hs dcmn.

ld b v gafl f cld cc hs blm fhh.

Man hanks,

Ms Mggns.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at,


CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at, The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.


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