Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to MONDAY JANUARY 4, 2021

An old occupation….
What happens when people of different occupations get old.

Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.
Old actors never die, they just drop apart.
Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver.
Old architects never die, they just lose their structures.
Old bankers never die, they just lose interest.
Old basketball players never die, they just go on dribbling.
Old beekeepers never die, they just buzz off.
Old bookkeepers never die, they just lose their figures.
Old bosses never die, much as you want them to.
Old cashiers never die, they just check out.
Old chauffeurs never die, they just lose their drive.
Old chemists never die, they just fail to react.
Old cleaning people never die, they just kick the bucket.
Old cooks never die, they just get deranged.
Old daredevils never die, they just get discouraged.
Old deans never die, they just lose their faculties.
Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.
Old electricians never die, they just lose contact.
Old farmers never die, they just go to seed.
Old garagemen never die, they just retire.
Old hackers never die, they just go to bits.
Old hardware engineers never die, they just cache in their chips.

Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT
MONDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the
universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a
bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to
touch it to be sure. Murphy’s Law

If there is something you must do and you
cannot do it, you cannot do anything else.
Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960

How is it that our memory is good enough
to retain the least triviality that happens to us,
and yet not good enough to recollect how often
we have told it to the same person?
François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of
bread and coming out with only a loaf of
bread are three billion to one. Erma Bombeck

I tell you this, and I tell you plain:
What you have done, you will do again;
You will bite your tongue, careful or not,
Upon the already-bitten spot.
Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960

G u a r a n t e e d t o R o l l Y o u r E y e s!
The three bears had been having some trouble recently and had
ended up in family court. Mama and Papa bear were splitting up,
and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with.

So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought
about living with either of his parents. When he asked baby bear
about living with his father, baby bear said “No, I can’t live with
Papa bear, he beats me terribly.” “OK,” said the judge, “then you
want to live with your mother, right?” “No way!” replied baby bear,
“She beats me worse than Papa bear does.” The judge was a bit
confused by this, and didn’t quite know what to do. “Well, you have
to live with someone, so is there any relatives you would like to stay
with?” asked the judge. “Yes,” answered baby bear, “my aunt Bertha
bear who lives in Chicago.” “You’re sure she will treat you well and
won’t beat you?” asked the judge. “Oh definitely,” said baby bear,
“the Chicago Bears don’t beat anybody.” 😁😎

Thursdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“That was very romantic.”

Answer: “Four Weddings and a Funeral” (1994)
The speech, in all its Grantian glory:
Charles: Ehm, look. Sorry, sorry. I just, ehm, well, this is a very stupid question and… , particularly in view of our recent shopping excursion [buying a wedding dress for her marriage to another man], but I just wondered, by any chance, ehm, eh, I mean obviously not because I guess I’ve only slept with 9 people, but-but I-I just wondered… ehh. I really feel, ehh, in short, to recap it slightly in a clearer version, eh, the words of David Cassidy in fact, eh, while he was still with the Partridge family, eh, “I think I love you,” and eh, I-I just wondered by any chance you wouldn’t like to… Eh… Eh… No, no, no of course not… I’m an idiot, he’s not… Excellent, excellent, fantastic, eh, I was gonna say lovely to see you, sorry to disturb… Better get on…
Carrie: That was very romantic.
Charles: Well, I thought it over a lot, you know, I wanted to get it just right.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
Wooing a lady is no easy task…

Thursday’s Quizzler is….
Customer services at RightWrite headquarters received the following letter recently. Luckily their top puzzle solvers
were able to determine the meaning and help Mrs Miggins. Can you work it out what her problem was?

Da S,

ld lk cmlan ab h f m .

hs ls aa n k ccl.

As can s, hs ls a mssng fm hs dcmn.

ld b v gafl f cld cc hs blm fhh.

Man hanks,

Ms Mggns.

Answer: The letter was written on a typewriter which has a problem with the top row of letters – they did not print. The letter should have read:

Dear Sir,

I would like to complain about the top row of my typewriter.

These letters appear not to work correctly.

As you can see, these letters are missing from this document.

I would be very grateful if you could correct this problem forthwith.

Many thanks,

Mrs Miggins.

Monday’s Quizzler is…….
Four well known sayings have been reworded below. Can you identify the originals?
Example : Lack of awareness brings elation. (Ignorance is bliss.)

Stop sleeping and sniff the java.
Fine items approach people who have patience.
One should not rate a volume by the lid.
Progress to the rhythm of another bongo player.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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