Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to MONDAY JANUARY 11, 2021

Monday’s Morning Punography…

  1. How did I escape Iraq? Iran.
  2. I hate peer pressure and you should too.
  3. I’m emotionally constipated. I haven’t given a crap in days.
  4. I’m a born pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
  5. My new girlfriend works at the Zoo. I think she’s a keeper.
  6. A termite walks into a bar and says, “Where’s the bartender?”
  7. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
  8. I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
  9. I’ve decided to sell my Hoover. Well, it’s just gathering dust.
  10. About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went downhill fast.
  11. The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
  12. A cop knocked on my door and said my dogs were chasing people on bikes but my dogs don’t even own bikes.
  13. I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. That must be a milestone.
  14. To the mathematician who thought of the idea of zero, thanks for nothing.
  15. This morning some clown opened the door for me. I thought to myself that’s a nice Jester.
  16. Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. You can’t tell me that’s a coincidence.
  17. A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns but I realized that toucan play at that game.

Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT
MONDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

Don’t judge each day by the harvest
you reap but by the seeds that
you plant. ~Robert Louis Stevenson

On days when I don’t work, I am
working on maintaining my image,
just like an athlete. ~Linda Evangelista

You have to rule the money. Don’t
let the money rule you. ~Fil Adams-Mercer

Marriage is an investment that pays
dividends if you pay interest. ~Bob Monkhouse

G u a r a n t e e d t o R o l l Y o u r E y e s!
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when
they lit a fire in the craft it sank-proving once and for
all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too. 😁😎

Fridays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Tonya, can you play the balalaika?” “Can she play? She’s an artist!”

Answer: Doctor Zhivago
In the events leading up to this scene, young Dr. Yuri Zhivago (Omar Sharif) meets and falls in love with nurse Lara Antipova (Julie Christie), loses track of her and then finds her again. Much of this movie is set during the Russian Revolution and against the vastness of the Russian landscape. In this scene (the last scene in the movie), Yuri’s half brother, General Yevgraf Zhivago (Alec Guinness), has tracked down a young woman he thinks might be the daughter of Yuri and Lara and talks to her. As she leaves with her boyfriend (Mark Eden) he notices she is carrying a balalaika (a Russian stringed instrument and one of Yuri’s favorites). He shouts line one after her, as they leave and her boyfriend shouts back line two. General Zhivago responds with the last line in the movie, “Ah, then it’s a gift.” In the 1966 Academy Awards “Doctor Zhivago” won five Oscars and was nominated for five more, including Best Picture (but lost to “The Sound of Music”). This is one of those epic movies by director David Lean that needs to be seen on a wide screen to be fully appreciated.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“What do you mean, twenty feet short?” “You’re twenty feet short of the woods. The hole is right here in open. The guard is between us and the lights.”

Friday’s Quizzler is….​
For each group below, fill in the blanks with two words that differ only by their first letter.

  1. Stop thinking over here. Go _ _ _ _ _ _ over _ _ _ _ _ _.
  2. An untrained person could be killed in these woods, but there is little _ _ _ _ _ _ for a _ _ _ _ _ _.
  3. Writing an “A” on your dish rag would make it a _ _ _ _ _ with a _ _ _ _ _.

Answer: 1. PONDER, YONDER, DANGER, RANGER TOWEL, VOWEL

Monday’s Quizzler is…….
I am a set of three words, all with the same six letters.
First I am a kingdom, though not royally so.
Then spell me backwards, and I become a thin plate.
Now rearrange my consonants, leaving my vowels in place …
I am now a type of paper.

What are the words?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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https://elisabethluxe.com, http://www.themuscleministry.com.

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