Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to FRIDAY JANUARY 15, 2021

The Older We Get…

Recently, when I went to McDonald’s I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. ‘We don’t have half dozen nuggets,’ said the teenager at the counter. ‘You don’t?’ I replied. ‘We only have six, nine, or twelve,’ was
the reply. ‘So I can’t order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?’ ‘That’s right.’ So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets (Unbelievable but sadly true…)
I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her
things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those ‘dividers’ that they keep by the cash
register and placed it between our things so they wouldn’t get mixed. After the girl had scanned
all of my items, she picked up the ‘divider’, looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, ‘Do you know how much this is?’ I said to her ‘I’ve changed
my mind; I don’t think I’ll buy that today.’ She said ‘OK,’ and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept
asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM ‘thingy.’
(keep shuddering!!)
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. ‘Do you need some help?’ I asked.
She replied, ‘I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can’t get
into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?’
‘Hmmm, I don’t know. Do you have an alarm, too?’ I asked. ‘No, just this remote thingy,’ she answered,
handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, ‘Why
don’t you drive over there and check about the batteries. It’s a long walk….’
(PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!)
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to
a secretary and said, ‘I’m almost out of typing paper. What do I do?’ ‘Just use paper from the photocopier’,
the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the
photocopier and proceeded to make five ‘blank’ copies. (Life is tough. It’s even tougher if you’re stupid!!!!)

Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT
WEEKEND people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“I had general anesthesia for my surgery. It’s so weird.
You go to sleep in one room and then wake up four hours
later in a totally different room. Just like in college.”
–Ross Shafer

“I used to be With IT. But then they changed
what IT was. Now what I’m with isn’t IT, and what’s
IT seems scary and wierd. It’ll happen to YOU.”
–Abe Simpson, The Simpsons

“I don’t have a lot of experience with vampires, but
I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once,
but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into
my neighbor’s dog.” -Dwight Schrute, The Office

G u a r a n t e e d t o R o l l Y o u r E y e s!
One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister’s house for the traditional feast. Knowing
how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed
something from the store. When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed
the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen,and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She t
hen placed the bird(s) back in the oven. When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey
out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something,
she reached in and pulled out the little bird. With a look of total shock on her face, my mother
exclaimed, “Patricia, you’ve cooked a pregnant bird!” At the reality of this horrifying news, my
sister started to cry. It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs. 😱😳

Thursdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Don’t ever do nothin’ like this again. Don’t come back up here.” “You don’t have to worry about that, Sheriff.”

Answer: Deliverance
In the events leading up to this scene, outdoor enthusiast Lewis Medlock (Burt Reynolds) organizes a weekend canoeing trip down a soon-to-be-submerged river in the Georgia backcountry, with three urban businessmen (played by Jon Voight, Ned Beatty, and Ronny Cox) but they enter a nightmare. When two backcountry mountain men start to assault one of the canoeists, Medlock kills him with a bow and arrow and they hide the body. Later, Ed Gentry (Jon Voight) kills the second one and his friends sink his body in the rising lake water. In this scene the local sheriff suspects but can’t prove that something happened, and he warns them with line one. Bobby Trippe (Ned Beatty) quickly replies with line two. In the 1973 Academy Awards, “Deliverance” was nominated in three categories, including Best Picture (but lost to “The Godfather”). The novel this movie is based on was written by James Dickey. He has a small part in this movie as Sheriff Bullard for the small town of Aintry (and has the quote in line one). The great bluegrass song “Dueling Banjos” was written for this movie and subsequently became a huge hit in 1973. However, Arthur Smith pointed out that he had written and recorded an almost identical tune in 1955 called “Feuding Banjos.” Smith eventually won a lawsuit over the issue.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“Kids are scared of the dark.” “You’re afraid of the dark, too, Marv.”

Thursday’s Quizzler is….
I’m in a zoo
But not in a jungle
I rarely come in pairs
But I’m in every puzzle

Some think I’m in a xylophone
But, I most certainly am not
You don’t see me with a loan
But very strangely in a zealot

I’m in the magical prison of Azkaban
Well, can’t you see?
I’m in the buzz of a fan
But, my oh my what could I be?

Answer: The letter “Z”

Friday’s Quizzler is…….
Decipher the following rebus:

GOT
GOT
GOT
GOT
HEROES
HEROES
HEROES
HEROES
HEROES
HEROES
HEROES
HEROES
HEROES
HEROES

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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