Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!



Why are there 5 syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

If “con” is the opposite of “pro,” then what is the opposite of progress? Congress!

Why do we wait until a pig is dead to “cure” it?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

War doesn’t determine who’s right, just who’s left

Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY
TUESDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

I used to eat a lot of natural foods
until I learned that most people die
of natural causes. Author Unknown

If you cannot answer a man’s argument,
all it not lost; you can still call him
vile names. Elbert Hubbard

If Barbie is so popular, why do you
have to buy her friends? Author Unknown

She was what we used to call a
suicide blond – dyed by her
own hand. Saul Bellow

Protect me from knowing what I don’t
need to know. Protect me from even
knowing that there are things to know
that I don’t know. Protect me from
knowing that I decided not to know
about the things that I decided not
to know about. Amen.
Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless

Laughter is the sensation of feeling
good all over and showing it principally
in one place. Josh Billings

Carry laughter with you
wherever you go. Hugh Sidey

G u a r a n t e e d t o R o l l Y o u r E y e s!
Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, “Sometimes
I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of
the refrigerator, and I can’t remember whether I need to put it away, or start
making a sandwich.” The second lady chimed in with, “Yes, sometimes I find
myself on the landing of the stairs and can’t remember whether I was on my
way up or on my way down.” The third one responded, ” Well, ladies, I’m
glad I don’t have that problem. Knock on wood,” as she rapped her knuckles
on the table, and then said, “That must be the door, I’ll get it!”😱

Fridays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Kids are scared of the dark.” “You’re afraid of the dark, too, Marv.”

Answer: Home Alone
In the events leading up to this scene, the large family of Kevin McAllister (Macaulay Culkin) accidentally leaves him behind when it rushes to the airport to go to France for their Christmas vacation (just prior to the family leaving, Kevin had been sent to the attic for misbehaving). Kevin prepares to spend Christmas alone, but becomes aware of two house burglars (played by Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern) casing his neighborhood. In this scene, the burglars plan to burglarize Kevin’s house after dark, after they become aware he is home alone. Marv (Daniel Stern) is pleased by this plan and says line one. His partner Harry (Joe Pesci) responds with line two. In the 1991 Academy Awards “Home Alone” was nominated for two Oscars but didn’t win either. The posters and DVD cases for this movie (showing a wide-eyed Culkin with both hands on his face) is often compared to the famous painting “The Scream” by Edvard Munch.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“Pardon me, sir, but I lost my ID in… in a flood and I’d like to get some Old Harper, hard stuff. Would you mind buying a bottle for me? ” “Why certainly. I lost my wife, too – her name wasn’t Idy, though, and it wasn’t in a flood – but I know what ya… “

Friday’s Quizzler is….​
Decipher the following rebus:


Answer: Forgotten Heroes! Four “got” ten “heroes”

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
A word I know,
six letters it contains
subtract just one,
and twelve is what remains.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

https://elisabethluxe.com, http://www.themuscleministry.com.

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