WELCOME to THURSDAY JANUARY 21, 2021
Thoughts from Steven Wright……..
Today I dialed a wrong number… The other person said, “Hello?” And I said, “Hello, could I speak to Joey?”… They said, “Uh… I don’t think so… he’s only
2 months old.” I said, “I’ll wait.”
I got up one morning and couldn’t find my socks, so I called Information.
She said, “Hello, Information.” I said, “I can’t find my socks.” She said,
“They’re behind the couch.” And they were!
Last week I bought a new phone. I took it out of the box, hooked it up to
the wall… Pressed redial. The phone had a nervous breakdown.
I got an answering machine for my phone. Now when I’m not home and
somebody calls me up, they hear a recording of a busy signal. I like to
leave messages before the beep.
I don’t like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside
my fish tank. I can’t hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish
go like this [[]][][[[[. I go down to the pet store — “Gimme another
ten guppies, I got a lotta calls yesterday.”
I bought a self-learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and
went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.
I was going to tape some records onto a cassette, but I got the wires
backwards. I erased all of the records. When I returned them to my friend,
he said, “Hey, these records are all blank.”
I got tired of calling the movies to listen to what
is playing so I bought the album.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT
THURSDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
If you break your neck, if you have
nothing to eat, if your house is on fire,
then you got a problem.
Everything else is inconvenience.
Pain is inevitable. Suffering
is optional. ~M. Kathleen Casey
If you’re going through hell,
keep going. ~Winston Churchill
We have no right to ask when
sorrow comes, “Why did this happen to me?”
unless we ask the same question for every
moment of happiness that comes
our way. ~Author Unknown
A bend in the road is not the end of
the road… unless you fail to make
the turn. ~Author Unknown
The robbed that smiles, steals
something from the thief.
~William Shakespeare, Othello
G u a r a n t e e d to Make You Laugh!
While I was working in the men’s section of a department store, a woman
asked me to help her choose a white dress shirt for her husband. When I
asked about his size, the woman looked stumped at first, then her face
brightened. She held up her hands, forming a circle with her forefingers
and thumbs. “I don’t know his size,” she said, “but my hands fit perfectly
around his neck.” 😱😳😁😎
Wednesdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Look, John, we can’t have you running around out there wastin’ friendly civilians.” “There are no friendly civilians!”
Answer: Rambo: First Blood
In the events leading up to this scene, ex-Green Beret John Rambo (Sylvester Stallone) walks into a small Washington town to look up a buddy from the Vietnam War, only to learn that he is the last surviving member of his unit. Local sheriff Will Teasle (Brian Dennehy) doesn’t like his drifter look and gives him a ride out of town. However, Rambo gets his back up over being forced to do something and he walks back to town in search of something to eat. Sheriff Teasle then arrests him for vagrancy and brings him to the local jail, where his deputies try to force-shave him. Sight of the razor causes Rambo to flash back to memories of Communist torture in a prison camp in Vietnam. He goes berserk, breaks free, commandeers a motorcycle and flees into the nearby mountain. As the police force try to capture him, Rambo uses his well-honed survival and combat skills to cripple them and warn Teasle to leave him alone. Rambo’s former commanding officer Colonel Samuel Trautman (Richard Crenna) arrives, trying to negotiate a truce by radio. In this scene Trautman says line one and Rambo replies with line two. This movie had several sequels, which put Sylvester Stallone in the unusual position of having two mega-hit series at the same time (his “Rocky” movie sequels were occurring during this same time period).
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“My father is no different than any powerful man, any man with power, like a president or senator.”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is….
I’m seven times seventy,
Plus a decade more.
This has all happened before.
Red and gold, I am no liar.
My nursery will be made
From my funeral pyre. Who am I?
Answer: The phoenix!
The phoenix, in mythology, is a fabulous bird that periodically regenerated itself, used in literature as a symbol of death and resurrection. According to legend, the phoenix lived in Arabia; when it reached the end of its life (500 years), it burned itself on a pyre of flames, and from the ashes a new phoenix arose. As a sacred symbol in Egyptian religion, the phoenix represented the sun, which dies each night and rises again each morning. According to Herodotus, the bird was red and golden and resembled an eagle.
Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
Construction of a stronger and more massive bell tower for the monastery to replace the one destroyed during the last civil strife with a neighboring lord was well underway when the old Monk visited the site. The Abbot showed the Monk the drawings and model for the three-bell tower. The Monk was impressed until he stood where the bell chamber would be and saw the spiral staircase in this medieval bell tower running the wrong direction (counterclockwise).
“The staircase direction must be changed,” said the Old Monk. The Abbot looked at the staircase and agreed. Why?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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