Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to MONDAY JANUARY 25, 2021

The following excerpts are actual answers given on history tests and in Sunday School quizzes by children between 5th and 6th grade ages in Ohio. They were collected by two teachers over a period of three years. Read carefully for grammar, misplaced modifiers, and, of course, spelling.

Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next
great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Since then no one ever found it.

Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who all wrote in hydraulics. They
lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread
made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos.
He died before he ever reached Canada but the commandos made it.

Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He was a actual hysterical
figure as well as being in the bible. It sounds Like he was sort of busy too.

The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn’t have history.
The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a young female moth.

Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed
him. He later died from an overdose of wedlock which is apparently poisonous. After
his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java.

Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered
him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out “Same to you, Brutus.”

Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen.” As a queen she was a success. When she exposed
herself before her troops they all shouted “hurrah!” and that was the end of the fighting for a long while.

It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and
the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood.

Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT
MONDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“A dog in Seattle is making news after commuters noticed it had been riding
the bus to a local park all by itself. Everyone says the dog is amazing, while
the dog said, panicking, ‘I gotta find that blind guy. I’m in a lot of trouble
if I don’t find him.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A study showed that every hour of TV you watch after the age of 25 shortens
your life by 22 minutes. That doesn’t sound too bad to me. You’d probably
watch TV with that 22 minutes anyway.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Police are looking for a woman who stole $3,000 worth of cat-grooming
supplies at an airport baggage carousel. Police describe
the suspect as ‘single.'” -Seth Meyers

G u a r a n t e e d to Make You Laugh!
On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a senior co-worker
measure the level of gasoline in the under ground tanks by lowering a
giant measuring stick down into them.

“What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?”
I joked.

“It would go out,” he replied very matter-of-factly.

“Really?” I asked, surprised to hear that. “Is there a lack of oxygen
down there or some safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?”

“No,” my co-worker continued. “The force from the explosion
would most likely blow it out.” 😱😳😁😎

Fridays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“You’re a wizard. “”I’m a what?”

Answer: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (a.k.a. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone)
After his parents are killed by the evil wizard Voldemort (Richard Bremmer), baby Harry Potter is raised by his Aunt Petunia (Fiona Shaw) and Uncle Vernon (Richard Griffiths), who treat him poorly. When he turns 11 he is invited to attend the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, with the invitation delivered personally by gentle giant Rubeus Hagrid (Robbie Coltrane). In this scene Hagrid says the first line when the invitation is delivered and a surprised Harry (Daniel Radcliffe) exclaims the second. In the 2002 Academy Awards “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone” was nominated in three categories but didn’t win any Oscars. Many of the impressive special effects in this movie were created by George Lucas’ company Industrial Light and Magic. Richard Harris at first turned down the part of Albus Dumbledore, but after his eleven-year-old granddaughter heard her grandfather had turned down the part she threatened never to speak to him again if he didn’t reconsider. He wound up taking it.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“I told you not to pick up the phone.” “Then stop calling me.”

Friday’s Quizzler is….​
It’s true I bring serenity,
And hang around the stars,
But yet I live in misery,
You’ll find me behind bars.
With thieves and villains I consort,
In prison I’ll be found,
But I would never go to court,
Unless there’s more than one.

Answer: The letter S

Monday’s Quizzler is…….
My first is in riddle, but not in little.
My second is in think, but not in brink.
My third is in thyme, but not in time.
My fourth is in mother, but not in brother.
My last is in time, but not in climb.

What am I?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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