WELCOME to WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 3, 2021
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now seasoned veteran.
Atheists can’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
A girl said she recognized me from my vegetarian club but I’d never met herbivore.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
The Energizer Bunny has been arrested and charged with battery.
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.
I didn’t like my beard at first but it grew on me.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Sein.
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
What does the clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.
I dreamt I wrote Lord of the Rings but I think I was just Tolkien in my sleep.
Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
I ordered 2000 lbs. of Chinese soup. It was Won Ton.
With great reflexes comes great response ability.
Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the calendar factory for taking a day off?
Why do the French eat snails? They don’t like fast food.
A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason. Details are sketchy.
Don’t make jokes about unemployed people. They don’t work.
My computer’s got Miley Virus. It has stopped twerking.
My boss told me to have a good day. So, I went home.
What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.
The best time to open a gift is the present.
Why did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!
I used to build stairs for a living but it’s an up and down business.
Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness? He pastaway.
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you’ll rise and shine
Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!
Have a WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“I’m sick of following my dreams, man.
I’m just going to ask where they’re going
and hook up with ’em later.”
“Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here.
This is the war room.”
(Peter Sellers), Dr. Strangelove
“My mother always used to say: The older
you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.”
—Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls
“Halloween is the beginning of the holiday
shopping season. That’s for women. The
beginning of the holiday shopping season
for men is Christmas Eve.”
G u a r a n t e e d to Make You Laugh!
One day an angel appeared to Adam. The angel said, “Adam, I’ve got great news. God is
going to create something wonderful for you.” Adam said, “Oh, what is it?
The angel said, “It’s not an “it,” it’s a “she.” God is going to make something called a woman.” Adam said, “Go on.”
The angel continued, “This is going to be wonderful. This woman will be made to be a lot like you physically, only much more beautiful. She will live to serve you at all times. When you are tired, she’ll give you a massage. When you are hungry, she’ll feed you. She’ll come and bow down to you in the morning and when you return from working in the garden in the evening. She’ll live to serve your every pleasure each day.”
“In addition,” the angel continued, “she will never argue with you or complain. She wont nag you or talk
back to you either. For every command you give her, she’ll simply reply, “yes master.” She’ll clean your
house, and tend to your every desire.” Adam had a sparkle in his eye and said with excitement, “Wow, that sounds amazing. I’d really like to have something like that. But what’s it going to cost me?” The angel said, “Well Adam, it’s going to cost you your right arm, and a leg.”
Adam thought about it for a while, and then replied, “What can I get for just a rib?” 😱😳😁😎
Tuesdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“You’re going into the men’s room.” “Huh? Oh, so I am. I do need new glasses.”
Answer: Mrs. Doubtfire!
When Daniel Hillard (Robin Williams) loses his job, his irresponsibility makes life impossible for his wife Miranda (Sally Field) and she reluctantly decides to divorce him. A judge decrees that in order to help Daniel to get his life in order, he can see his children just one day a week. He can’t bear this, and when Miranda advertises for a housekeeper to help her, Daniel decides to don a disguise and apply for the job as a British nanny named Mrs. Doubtfire. In this scene, Mrs. Doubtfire joins the family at a restaurant and has to use the restroom. Miranda observes Mrs. Doubtfire going into the men’s room and says line one. Daniel as Mrs. Doubtfire laughs it off with line two. In the 1994 Academy Awards “Mrs. Doubtfire” won the Oscar for Best Makeup. It took Robin Williams about 4 1/2 hours each day to be made up as Mrs. Doubtfire.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“Watch what I can do. Come on. It’s alright. Look. The water’s stiff.”
Tuesday’s Quizzler is….
Greg, Jane, Amy, Steve, and Katie are five excellent students who attend G. Neus Sr. High. About to graduate, they have each been given a subject and school award. It is up to you, their classmate, to find out which awards each student received and which teacher taught them.
One final note: A valedictorian is the student at the top of the class (with the best grades.) A salutatorian is “second place” and the margin between the two is often very narrow.
- The five students are Jane, the artist, the class president, Greg, and the boy who has Ms. Wint as a teacher.
- With one B on his report card, Steve just barely missed being top of his class. Instead, Jane got the honor.
- The math genius has Ms. Brown as a teacher, while Amy is taught by Mrs. Colt.
- Jane and Amy, who do not speak French, often hang out with the artist during lunch.
- The school awards were the one that went to Greg, the Silver Knight award, the one awarded to the amateur scientist, Steve’s award, and the award given to the student taught by Mr. Allen.
- Katie is not taught by Mr. Allen.
Answer: Greg-Math-Community service-Ms. Brown
Amy-Science-Class president-Mrs. Colt
Katie-Art-Silver Knight-Mr. Harris
Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….
In each group below, I have listed four (4) unrelated words. Your job is to try and find a word that can either precede or follow each word in each group.
- picture, inner, top, test
Answer: picture TUBE, inner TUBE, TUBE top, test TUBE.
- sky, point, hat, knee
- street, fight, pedal, off
- shoe, french, powder, rims
- moulding, roast, triple, jewels
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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