Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!


Here’s the story, “When I use a word,” Humpday Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone,
“it means just what I choose it to mean—neither more nor less.” —Through the Looking
Glass. I agree with Mr. Dumpty: Words have meaning. But surely, we can seize upon a
meaning and then create a word to match it. The following words—some culled from the
crowdsourced online dictionary, don’t exist according to Merriam-Webster … but should. Try using these funny words to improve your vocabulary.

A crapella: (ah kra-‘peh-luh) adj.—Sung (badly) while listening to music using headphones.

Athlethargy: (ath-‘leh-ther-jee) n.—The triumph of the La-Z-Boy over the StairMaster.

Basebull: (‘bays-bull) n.—The endless litany of RBIs, ERAs, OPS, WHIP, and hits at the fingertips 
of every major-league basebore.

Beerboard: (‘beer-bohrd) v.—To ­extract secret information from colleagues by getting them drunk.

Blamestorming: (‘blaym-stohr-ming)n.—The act of attempting to identify the person who is most at fault for a plan’s failure.

Carcolepsy: (‘kahr-kuh-lep-see) n.—The tendency to fall asleep as soon as the car starts moving.

Caroma: (kah-‘roh-muh) n.—The smell of that month-old bean burrito under the front seat that keeps you out of the carpool.

Cellfish: (‘sel-fish) n.—Someone who talks on the phone to the exclusion of those he or she is with.

Chairdrobe: (‘chair-drohb) n.—A chair on which one piles clothes that belong in the closet. Not to be confused with a floordrobe.

Chiptease: (‘chip-teez) n.—A bag of potato chips that seems full but is mostly air.

Destinesia: (des-tuh-‘nee-zhuh) n.—When you get to where you intended to go but forget why you wanted to go there.

Dudevorce: (‘dood-vohrs) n.—When two bros end their friendship. These words are so funny that they sound made up.

Dullema: (duh-‘leh-muh) n.—The choice between two equally boring outcomes.

Epiphinot: (ih-‘pih-fuh-not) n.— An idea that seems like an amazing insight to the conceiver but is in fact pointless, mundane, stupid, or incorrect.

Errorist: (‘air-er-ist) n.— Someone who is repeatedly or invariably wrong.

Fauxpology: (foh-‘pah-luh-jee) n.—An insincere expression of regret.

Illiteration: (il-lih-tuh-‘ray-shuhn) n.— The mistaken impression that you know more about rhetorical devices than you really do.

Internest: (‘in-ter-nest) n.— The cocoon of blankets and pillows you gather around yourself for extended periods on the Internet.

Metox: (‘mee-toks) v.— To take a break from self-absorption. Check out these quirky words that don’t have an English translation.

Narcisexual: (nahr-suh-‘sek-shoo-uhl) n.— Someone attracted only to him- or herself. (See Instagram selfies)

Nerdjacking: (‘nurd-jak-ing) n.— Filling a conversation with unnecessary detail about one’s passion to an obviously uninterested bystander.

Nonversation: (non-ver-‘say-shuhn) n.—A completely meaningless or useless conversation.

Pregret: (pree-‘gret) v.— To know what you’re about to do is wrong, wrong, wrong while also knowing you will do it anyway.

Presstitute: (‘preh-stih-toot) n.­— A biased or one-sided journalist.

Preteentious: (prih-‘teen-shuhs) adj.—A level of drama achievable only by a 12-year-old.

Sinergy: (‘sih-ner-jee) n.— When two bad acts feel as good as three.

Suckrifice: (‘suh-krih-fys) n.—­Doing what you absolutely must do, even though you really, ­really hate it.

Textpectation: (tekst-pek-‘tay-shuhn) n.— The anticipation felt when awaiting a response to a text.

Typerventilate: (ty-per-‘ven-tih-layt) v.— To send messages in rapid sequence.

Unlighten: (uhn-‘ly-ten) ­v.— To learn­ something that makes you dumber.

Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!
Have a GREAT MONDAY people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Engineers have begun trying to find a way to brew beer
on the moon. Which means we’ll soon have astronauts
calling into Mission Control saying, ‘Houston, we have
a drinking problem.'” -Conan O’Brien

“According to a new report, 67 percent of millennials use
Netflix, which must really tick off whoever owns the
account they’re using.” -Seth Meyers

“Wildlife officials in India are now putting wild monkeys
on birth control to help curb the recent population spike.
This is good for wildlife, and even better for female monkeys
who want to focus on their careers.” -Jimmy Fallon

G u a r a n t e e d to Make You Laugh!
When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a
pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one
child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the
older child. It went like this:
“Some parents,” she said, “tell the older child, ‘We love you so much
we decided to bring another child into this family.’ But think about that.
Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, ‘Honey,
I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'”
One of the women spoke up immediately. “Does she cook?” 😳😁😎

Fridays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“What’s the most you’ve ever lost in a coin toss?”

Answer: No Country for Old Men!
Javier Bardem’s portrayal of the sociopath, Anton Chigurh in the 2007 Best Picture film, “No Country for Old Men” won him the Best Supporting Actor Oscar.
Early in the film, Chigurh asks this question of a gas station owner in southern Texas, telling the man to call the flip of his quarter. The man says that he didn’t bet anything with which to call the coin, but Chigurh states that he’s been putting the stake up his whole life. The man calls the coin correctly and receives his lucky quarter as the prize. Chigurh tells the man not to put it into his pocket with his other loose change because it’s his lucky quarter. Tossing it with the rest turns it into just another coin.
Later on, Chigurh gives the same chance to Carla Jean Moss (portrayed by Kelly MacDonald) and she calls Chigurh on the situation instead saying that he’s the one who has the choice, and not the one who calls heads or tails on the coin.
The film, in question, involves a drug trade gone wrong. After one man finds a case containing millions of dollars, he fights to keep it for himself, but finds others after it as well. There’s just no clean escape.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“I’m making waffles!”

Friday’s Quizzler is….​
The following lines were written by Arthur Connor, a prominent figure in the Irish Rebellion of 1798. He was arrested and wrote the verses while in prison. He made his escape to France in 1807, where he became a general in the army, and died at age 87.

“The pomps of Courts and pride of kings
I prize above all earthly things;
I love my country, but the king,
Above all men, his praise I sing.
The Royal banners are displayed,
And may success the standard aid.”

“I fain would banish far from hence.
The ‘Rights of Man’ and ‘Common Sense’
Confusion to his odious reign,
That foe to princes, Thomas Paine.
Defeat and ruin seize the cause.
Of France, its liberties and laws.”

These two apparently loyal verses, if properly read, show a very different meaning. Can you discover it?

Answer: Read the first line of the first verse, then the first line of the second verse. Next read the second line of the first verse, then the second line of the second verse, and so on. The treasonable character of the lines will become apparent.

“The pomps of Courts and pride of kings
I fain would banish far from hence.
I prize above all earthly things;
The ‘Rights of Men’ and ‘Common Sense’.
I love my country, but the King,
Confusion to his odious reign.
Above all men, his praise I sing.
That foe to princes, Thomas Paine.
The Royal banners are displayed,
Defeat and ruin seize the cause.
And may success the standard aid
Of France, its liberties and laws.”

Monday’s Quizzler is…….
One day, a college student named Tina walked into her logic class and waited for her fun day of logic once again. Finally the professor, Professor C. D. Rock, walked in saying, “I just went through some stuff and stumbled upon an old family tree, that belonged to my grandparents, that gave me an idea. I have here a few clues, and you have to use them to figure out their family tree!”

Tina then gets the clues, and tries to work them out. Unfortunately this puzzle is a little harder than the normal ones Professor C. D. Rock gives out. Can you help her?

The family tree consists of two grandparents, who had 3 children, each of whom get married and have 2 children.

Males: Cole, Cristian, Jason, Neil, and Steve
Females: Amanda, Ashley, Beth, Erin, Kaitlyn, Katherine, Makayla, Payton, and Tammy


  1. One of Makayla’s cousins is Jason’s son.
  2. One of Ashley’s aunts is Tammy.
  3. Tammy’s brother-in-law is Neil’s son.
  4. Kaitlyn’s sister is Ashley’s cousin.
  5. Ashley’s uncle, Steve, is Erin’s brother-in-law.
  6. The three uncles are Payton’s dad, Cristian, and Katherine’s son.
  7. The three aunts are Kaitlyn’s mom, Ashley’s mom, and Cristian’s sister-in-law.
  8. Jason’s brother is Ashley’s dad.
  9. Amanda’s sister is Steve’s niece.
  10. Beth is not Cole’s aunt.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at,


CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at, The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.


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