Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!


21 of Mark Twain’s Most Famous Quotes…..

1.“It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.”

2.“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.”

3.“Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.”

4.“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.”

5.“When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.”

6.“The secret of getting ahead is getting started.”

7.“If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.”

8.“All generalizations are false, including this one.”

9.“Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.”

10.“Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.”

11.“Never put off ‘till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.”

12.“My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.”

13.“Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.”

14.“Ah, well, I am a great and sublime fool. But then I am God’s fool, and
all His work must be contemplated with respect.”

15.“Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.”

16.“Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t.”

17.“There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man’s
notion that he less savage than the other savages.”

18.“There has been only one Christian. They caught him and crucified him–early.”

19.“Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold
that there isn’t any. But this wrongs the jackass.”

20.“Total abstinence is so excellent a thing that it cannot be carried to too great an extent. In my passion
for it I even carry it so far as to totally abstain from total abstinence itself.”

21.”Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.”

Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!
Have a HAPPY TUESDAY people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

Power, money, persuasion, supplication, persecution—these can lift at a
colossal humbug—push it a little—weaken it a little, century by century,
but only laughter can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the
assault of laughter nothing can stand. MARK TWAIN

If you can laugh in the face of
adversity, you’re bullet-proof.

Always laugh when you can.
It is cheap medicine.

Trouble knocked at the door, but,
hearing laughter, hurried away.

The person who has a sense of humor is not just more
relaxed in the face of a potentially stressful situation,
but is more flexible in his approach. JOHN MORREALL

G u a r a n t e e d to Make You Laugh!
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and he soon realizes that he’s completely lost.
So he starts reducing height and then he suddenly spots a man down below. He
lowers the balloon a little further and then shouts: “Excuse me sir I was wondering,
can you tell me where I am? I seem to be lost.“ Taken by surprise, the man looks up
and replies “Yeah, that’s easy. You’re in a hot air balloon, hovering about 25 feet above this field.“
“You must work in IT. I’m guessing you work as a programmer?” says the balloonist.
“I do and yes, I am,” replies the man, looking a little surprised, “How did you guess?“
“Well” says the balloonist, “everything you’ve told me is technically correct but it’s of no actual use to anyone.“ The programmer smiles and then says, “Ah, you must be the CEO in a business.“
“Yes, I am” replies the balloonist, “but how could you know that?“
“That’s easy,” says the programmer. “You don’t know where you are or where you’re
going but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were
before we met but now it’s my fault.“ 😁😎

Mondays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“I’m making waffles!”

Answer: “Shrek”
The correct answer is of course Donkey in the movie ‘Shrek’ The full quote, said to Shrek, the ogre is, ‘We’ll stay up late swapping manly stories, and in the morning, I’m making waffles!’ Not surprisingly, Shrek wasn’t impressed. This film was released in 2001 and it won the very first Academy Award for Best Animated Feature Film in the same year. The story takes viewers to a fairy tale setting where an ‘evil’ ogre, Shrek, must save and protect Princess Fiona and deliver her to the antagonist, Lord Farquaad. In the particular scene from which the quote is pulled, Shrek has saved Donkey early on in the movie, and Donkey is looking to Shrek to be his friend. When Shrek decides to let him come to his swamp, Donkey has plans to settle right in.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“Well, you know what they say: if you don’t have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!”

Monday’s Quizzler is….​
One day, a college student named Tina walked into her logic class and waited for her fun day of logic once again. Finally the professor, Professor C. D. Rock, walked in saying, “I just went through some stuff and stumbled upon an old family tree, that belonged to my grandparents, that gave me an idea. I have here a few clues, and you have to use them to figure out their family tree!”

Tina then gets the clues, and tries to work them out. Unfortunately this puzzle is a little harder than the normal ones Professor C. D. Rock gives out. Can you help her?

The family tree consists of two grandparents, who had 3 children, each of whom get married and have 2 children.

Males: Cole, Cristian, Jason, Neil, and Steve
Females: Amanda, Ashley, Beth, Erin, Kaitlyn, Katherine, Makayla, Payton, and Tammy


  1. One of Makayla’s cousins is Jason’s son.
  2. One of Ashley’s aunts is Tammy.
  3. Tammy’s brother-in-law is Neil’s son.
  4. Kaitlyn’s sister is Ashley’s cousin.
  5. Ashley’s uncle, Steve, is Erin’s brother-in-law.
  6. The three uncles are Payton’s dad, Cristian, and Katherine’s son.
  7. The three aunts are Kaitlyn’s mom, Ashley’s mom, and Cristian’s sister-in-law.
  8. Jason’s brother is Ashley’s dad.
  9. Amanda’s sister is Steve’s niece.
  10. Beth is not Cole’s aunt.

Answer: The grandparents are Katherine and Neil, who had 3 sons: Cristian, Jason, and Steve.
Cristian married Erin, and had Ashley and Amanda.
Jason married Beth, and had Payton and Cole.
Steve married Tammy, and had Makayla and Kaitlyn.

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
This teaser is based on ‘funny’ alternative definitions a word could have if you broke the word up into its syllables and treated the syllables as words in themselves. I will provide a list of words and a list of definitions; it is your job to match them up.

They are meant to be a bit light hearted and may not have perfect pronunciation so work the words in your head a bit. Having the definitions should provide help in this regard. Also note that sometimes the ‘new word’ syllables may not only be using one syllable in the word.

An example would be:
Word: Contemplate “Con template”: A stencil that criminals are made from.


What trees do in the spring
What the owner of a seafood store does
A clumsy ophthalmologist
How golfers create divots
What a bullfighter tries to do

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.,

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