Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 10, 2021

Marriage Definitions

BACHELOR: A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.

BRIDE: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and
wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

DIPLOMAT: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.

GENTLEMAN: A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife
will not fall while she paints the ceiling.

HOUSEWORK: What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn’t do it.

HUSBAND: A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had.

JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT: A handy little device which
permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw.

LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.

MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s
peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

MRS.: A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition.

SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you
wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single in the first place.

WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at
the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet.

Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!
Have a WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“A man and his 75-year-old mom survived being lifted out
of their home during a tornado by sitting together in a bathtub.
The man said the tornado didn’t traumatize him but being
in a bathtub with his mother did.” -Conan O’Brien

“I’ve been trying to say ‘I love you’ more often, starting this
morning. I said it to my family before I left the house. And
then to my barista. And then to her manager, when the
barista complained that one of the customers was making
her uncomfortable.” -Stephen Colbert

“According to a recent study, men on dating sites are more
popular if they mention dancing or cooking. Because if there’s
one thing women love, it’s a man who can lie.” -Seth Meyers

G u a r a n t e e d to Make You Laugh!
Caller: ‘Hi, can you connect me with Jack?’
Operator: ‘I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand who you are talking about.’
Caller: ‘On page 1, section 5, of your user guide it clearly states that I need
to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack
before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?’
Operator: ‘I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.’ 😳😁😎

Tuesdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Well, you know what they say: if you don’t have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!”

Answer: “Steel Magnolias”
The quote is said by Clairee Belcher played by the talented actress, Olympia Dukakis. The scene takes place at Drum and M’Lynn’s Christmas party. Truvy Jones and Clairee are discussing Clairee’s nephew Marshall. After Truvy comments on how she is surprised how Clairee speaks about her own kin, Clairee said the line as her response, because she was a straight-forward character and enjoyed gossip. She has a heart of gold, but holds no comment back.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“Go ahead, make my day.”

Tuesday’s Quizzler is….​
This teaser is based on ‘funny’ alternative definitions a word could have if you broke the word up into its syllables and treated the syllables as words in themselves. I will provide a list of words and a list of definitions; it is your job to match them up.

They are meant to be a bit light hearted and may not have perfect pronunciation so work the words in your head a bit. Having the definitions should provide help in this regard. Also note that sometimes the ‘new word’ syllables may not only be using one syllable in the word.

An example would be:
Word: Contemplate “Con template”: A stencil that criminals are made from.

Words:
Avoidable
Misty
Selfish
Relief
Eyedropper

Definitions:
What trees do in the spring
What the owner of a seafood store does
A clumsy ophthalmologist
How golfers create divots
What a bullfighter tries to do

Answer: Avoidable (uh-voy’-duh-buhl’) : What a bullfighter tries to do
Misty (mis-tee’) : How golfers create divots
Selfish (sel’-fish’) : What the owner of a seafood store does
Relief (ree-leef’) : What trees do in the spring
Eyedropper (i’-drop-ur) : A clumsy ophthalmologist

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….
Welcome to the Missing Idioms language game! An idiom is a speech form or an expression of a given language that is peculiar to itself grammatically or, cannot be understood from the individual meanings of its elements, as in “keep tabs on”.

Below you will find 10 sentences, with the missing idiom replaced, in brackets (…). To solve the game, you will need to complete each sentence with an idiom, but there is a twist to it. Each round you will be given a Main Clue and, all missing idioms must relate to it.

The Main Clue for this round is “Animals”, therefore all missing idioms must relate to animals. Good luck and enjoy!

  1. He is the (most important person, main character) in his company.
  2. I hadn’t seen my cousin in a year, so when we finally met we talked (for a very long time).
  3. You should (not worry about those problems from before). It is too late now to do anything about them.
  4. There is no need to be concerned about your new landlady. Her (words are worse than her actions).
  5. My grandfather moved to the country to get away from the (busyness and confusion) in the city.
  6. Be careful of that man. He is a (pretending to be good but, he is really bad).
  7. My aunt decided (to take action and not worry about the results) and begin preparations for the family reunion.
  8. I think that buying a ticket before we make any plans is (doing things in the wrong order).
  9. She is always (behaving with arrogance) and telling people what to do.
  10. I wish that she would (begin to be humble and agreeable) and begin to care about how other people feel about things.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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