WELCOME to FRIDAY FEBRUARY 12, 2021
- Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side.
- What kind of concert only costs 45 cents? A 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback.
- What did the grape say when it got crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
- I want to be cremated as it is my last hope for a smoking hot body.
- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
- To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.
- I had a crazy dream last night! I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea.
- A crazy wife says to her husband that moose are falling from the sky. The husband says, it’s reindeer.
- Ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
- Geology rocks but Geography is where it’s at!
- What was Forrest Gump’s email password? 1forrest1
- Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? I heard the food was good but it had no atmosphere.
- Can February March? No, but April May.
- Need an ark to save two of every animals? I noah guy.
- I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.
- Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.
- My grandpa has the heart of the lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
- Why was Dumbo sad? He felt irrelephant.
- 19, A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.
- I lost my mood ring and I don’t know how to feel about it!
- Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
- So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means? It’s not the end of the world!
- My friend drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how his Mercedes bends.
Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!
Have a GREAT WEEKEND people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
I am the greatest; I said that even
before I knew I was. ~Muhammad Ali
A man who views the world the same
at 50 as he did at 20 has wasted 30
years of his life. ~Muhammad Ali
He who is not courageous enough
to take risks will accomplish nothing
in life. ~Muhammad Ali
Impossible is just a big word thrown
around by small men who find it easier
to live in the world they’ve been given
than to explore the power they have to
change it. Impossible is not a fact. It’s
an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration.
It’s a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible
is temporary. Impossible is nothing. ~Muhammad Ali
Hating people because of their color is wrong.
And it doesn’t matter which color does the hating.
It’s just plain wrong. ~Muhammad Ali
Only a man who knows what it is like to be
defeated can reach down to the bottom of
his soul and come up with the extra ounce
of power it takes to win when the
match is even. ~Muhammad Ali
It isn’t the mountains ahead to climb
that wear you out; it’s the pebble
in your shoe. ~Muhammad Ali
I hated every minute of training,
but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now
and live the rest of your life as
a champion. ~Muhammad Ali
G u a r a n t e e d to Make You Laugh!
An old dog strays into a jungle and gets himself completely lost. A hungry lion basking
in the sunspots the old dog from a distance and thinks to himself “I’ve not seen this type
of animal before but he sure looks edible.” The lion then gets up and starts moving slowly
towards the old dog, gradually picking up the pace before he then sprints towards the dog
with real menace in his eyes. The old dog sees the charging lion and naturally, he starts
to panic. Who wouldn’t panic in these circumstances? However, the old dog is also very smart
and he realizes he cannot outrun the lion. So, having noticed some bones next to him on the
ground he picks one up and starts chewing at it. As the lion gets close, he then says loudly,
“Hmmm, now that was some excellent lion meat!“ Hearing this comment stops the lion in his tracks.
The lion stares at the old dog thinking, “This old fella must be a lot tougher than he looks.
It’s might be a good idea to leave him alone.“ A monkey in a nearby tree sees what’s happened
and recognizes that the old dog has managed to fool the lion. Naturally the monkey thinks that
this is a situation he might be able to exploit to his advantage. So, he goes over to the lion and
tells him exactly what happened, in the hope that he might just get something in return.
The lion is angry that he’s fallen for the old dog’s deception, so he says to the monkey, “Get on
my back now and we’ll get him together. We’ll teach him a lesson he won’t forget“.
So, with the monkey on his back, the lion once again starts rushing in the old dog’s direction.
Despite his advancing years, the old dog is quick to spot them and realizes what’s happened. He
starts to panic again before he quickly gets another idea. He then starts to act like he’s searching
for something until they get close and then to ensure they hear him he shouts loudly, “Where’s that
monkey? I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago.“ 😁😎
Thursdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“He hates these cans, stay away from these cans.”
Answer: The Jerk!
Navin (Steve Martin) finds his name in the phone book and says “Page 73 – Johnson, Navin R.! I’m somebody now! Millions of people look at this book everyday! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity – your name in print – that makes people. I’m in print! Things are going to start happening to me now.” Sadly, the sniper picks Naven randomly from the phone book as his victim. The 1979 film, “The Jerk”, is a very funny film where Steve Martin is raised by a poor black family and decides he is going to make something of himself.
In this scene, Navin R. Johnson is working at a gas station. A sniper is shooting at him, but misses and hits some oil cans. Navin exclaims aloud “He hates these cans, stay away from these cans.”
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“I never told you, but you sound a little like Dr. Seuss when you’re drunk”.
Thursday’s Quizzler is….
As Forrie Agincourt and Jenn Rahlwitz headed back to the rail depot, Sarah caught Forrie’s eye, nodding toward an unsavory 20-something man headed their way. She guided Forrie into a respectable-looking shop. Forrie was determined not to give her the satisfaction, but his aunt outwaited him.
“I give up. What did we avoid there?”
“I could hardly expect you to head home without,” she cleared her throat, “at least some come-punk-shun.”
Forrie made a noise that drew a stern glance from the spinsterish shopkeeper.
“It’s a good thing you and Mom don’t have any brothers,” he riposted, “because he’d probably be like you, and I’d have to partake of …” he waited.
Sarah groaned, “extreme Unc-shun?”
Forrie grinned; deuce.
The shopkeeper realized they were not likely customers, and eased them back to the world. On the way to the depot, they came up with several more shunnings. How many can you get?
How many of Forrie’s avoidances can you puzzle out?
- Avoidance of places that used to smell bad
- Avoidance of Tom Hank’s “Forrest” movie
- Avoidance of males
- Avoidance of flower bunches
- Avoidance of landing movie roles
- Avoidance of German four-ring cars
- Avoidance of a website’s information pages
Answer: 1. extinction (ex-stink-shun)
- gumption (gump-shun)
- mention (men-shun)
- position (posey-shun)
- infliction (in-flick-shun)
- audition (Audi-shun)
- faction (FAQ-shun)
Friday’s Quizzler is…….
Five people were involved in an on-line auction for a photo of the original “Star Wars” crew. The bidding started at $200 and climbed. Each person was multitasking and doing something off-line while watching the bid (one of them was watching TV). From the clues below, determine the name of the person, their screen name, how much they bid, and what they were doing in the real world at the time.
1) The initial bid of $200 was made by the person who was reading at the same time, not by the bidder whose screen name was Ewok Master.
2) Neil raised it to $225, but he was not eating lunch; the bid by the person doing that was lower than Matt.
3) Blaklee didn’t take the bid to $250.
4) The person whose screen name is R2D3 clicked at $275.
5) Jessica was vacuuming while registering her bid, but it was lower than that of the person whose screen name was Jedi13.
6) The bidder going by Force Knight was washing the car at the same time as the auction.
7) George’s screen name is Lord Jabba.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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