Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!


Here’s the story…
An old man and his wife went to their local fast-food restaurant. The man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries, and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his w1fe took a sip and then set the cup down between them.
As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering. Obviously, they were thinking, “That poor old couple—all they can afford is one meal for the two of them. As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine—they were used to sharing everything. People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn’t eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said “No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.” Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked “What is it you are waiting for?” She answered, “The teeth! Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Before you marry a person, you should first
make them use a computer with slow Internet
to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that
one special person you want to annoy for
the rest of your life.” —Rita Rudner

“Ned, I would love to stand here and talk
with you—but I’m not going to.” —Phil Connors
(Bill Murray), Groundhog Day

“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece
of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter
if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”
—Erma Bombeck

“I want my children to have all the things
I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”
—Phyllis Diller

G u a r a n t e e d to Make You Laugh!
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat.
He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book;
the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the
man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows
that readers digest and writers cramp. 😳😁😎

Thursdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“He hates these cans, stay away from these cans.”

Answer: The Jerk!
Navin (Steve Martin) finds his name in the phone book and says “Page 73 – Johnson, Navin R.! I’m somebody now! Millions of people look at this book everyday! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity – your name in print – that makes people. I’m in print! Things are going to start happening to me now.” Sadly, the sniper picks Naven randomly from the phone book as his victim. The 1979 film, “The Jerk”, is a very funny film where Steve Martin is raised by a poor black family and decides he is going to make something of himself.
In this scene, Navin R. Johnson is working at a gas station. A sniper is shooting at him, but misses and hits some oil cans. Navin exclaims aloud “He hates these cans, stay away from these cans.”

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“I never told you, but you sound a little like Dr. Seuss when you’re drunk”.

Thursday’s Quizzler is….​
As Forrie Agincourt and Jenn Rahlwitz headed back to the rail depot, Sarah caught Forrie’s eye, nodding toward an unsavory 20-something man headed their way. She guided Forrie into a respectable-looking shop. Forrie was determined not to give her the satisfaction, but his aunt outwaited him.
“I give up. What did we avoid there?”
“I could hardly expect you to head home without,” she cleared her throat, “at least some come-punk-shun.”
Forrie made a noise that drew a stern glance from the spinsterish shopkeeper.
“It’s a good thing you and Mom don’t have any brothers,” he riposted, “because he’d probably be like you, and I’d have to partake of …” he waited.
Sarah groaned, “extreme Unc-shun?”
Forrie grinned; deuce.

The shopkeeper realized they were not likely customers, and eased them back to the world. On the way to the depot, they came up with several more shunnings. How many can you get?

How many of Forrie’s avoidances can you puzzle out?

  1. Avoidance of places that used to smell bad
  2. Avoidance of Tom Hank’s “Forrest” movie
  3. Avoidance of males
  4. Avoidance of flower bunches
  5. Avoidance of landing movie roles
  6. Avoidance of German four-ring cars
  7. Avoidance of a website’s information pages

Answer: 1. extinction (ex-stink-shun)

  1. gumption (gump-shun)
  2. mention (men-shun)
  3. position (posey-shun)
  4. infliction (in-flick-shun)
  5. audition (Audi-shun)
  6. faction (FAQ-shun)

Friday’s Quizzler is…….
Five people were involved in an on-line auction for a photo of the original “Star Wars” crew. The bidding started at $200 and climbed. Each person was multitasking and doing something off-line while watching the bid (one of them was watching TV). From the clues below, determine the name of the person, their screen name, how much they bid, and what they were doing in the real world at the time.

1) The initial bid of $200 was made by the person who was reading at the same time, not by the bidder whose screen name was Ewok Master.
2) Neil raised it to $225, but he was not eating lunch; the bid by the person doing that was lower than Matt.
3) Blaklee didn’t take the bid to $250.
4) The person whose screen name is R2D3 clicked at $275.
5) Jessica was vacuuming while registering her bid, but it was lower than that of the person whose screen name was Jedi13.
6) The bidder going by Force Knight was washing the car at the same time as the auction.
7) George’s screen name is Lord Jabba.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.,

CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.


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