Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to THURSDAY MARCH 11, 2021

Funny Mistranslations….

1 On an Athi River Highway: TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

2 At a Budapest zoo: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

3 A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer: DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.

4 Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

5 A laundry room in Rome: LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

6 Hotel Japan: YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

7 Translated from Japanese to English and included in the instructions for a soap bubble gun: WHILE SOLUTION IS NOT TOXIC IT WILL NOT MAKE CHILD EDIBLE.

8 Dry cleaner’s Bangkok: DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULT.

9 Tokyo hotel’s rules and regulations: GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

10 Sign over the information booth in a Beijing railroad station: QUESTION AUTHORITY

11 In a South African maternity ward: NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.

12 Hotel brochure, Italy: THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.

13 On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

15 Booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan: COOLES AND HEATES; IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.

Have a GREAT THURSDAY people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive
a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower,
snowblower or vacuum cleaner.
~Ben Bergor

Graduation speeches were invented largely in the
belief that college students should never be released
into the world until they have been properly sedated.
~Garry Trudeau

Have no fear of perfection–you’ll never reach it.
~Salvador Dali

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being
with the soul of a clown which always forces me to
blow it at the most important moments.
~Jim Morrison

I’d much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry,
they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be
rescued off of sinking ships.
~Gilda Radner

Women are like cell phones. They like to be held and talked to,
but push the wrong button, and you’ll be disconnected.😳

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young engineer
who was fresh out of MIT, “What starting salary were you thinking about?” The Engineer said,
In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer
said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks’ vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical
and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased
every 2 years – say, a red Corvette?” The Engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow! Are you kidding?”
The interviewer replied, “Yeah, but you started it.” 😁😎

Wednesdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“He has a knife.” “That’s not a knife. THAT’S a knife.”

Answer: Crocodile Dundee!
In this scene Crocodile Dundee (Paul Hogan) is enjoying a visit from Australia to New York City to visit the newspaper reporter who wrote a story about him (Linda Kozlowski). While taking a walk they are confronted by a mugger (Tony Holmes). She whispers the first line, but he pulls out a gigantic Bowie knife and says the second. The mugger beats a hasty retreat. In the 1987 Academy Awards “Crocodile Dundee” was nominated for Best Writing, Screenplay Written Directly for the Screen but lost to “Hannah and Her Sisters.”

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“You don’t wanna marry me.” “Why don’t you love me, Jenny? I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is.”

Wednesday’s Quizzler is….
Based on the following clues can you make 2 phrases with the same letters in the same order, but with different spacing? (Example: Abcde Fg + Abc Defg)

Precipitating fish archery + Multi-color sea life
God of love took charge + Small container did nothing
Irrational number of tranquility + Master of tubes
Not heavy & not large + Shopping center of bulbs

Answer: 1. Rain Bowfish + Rainbow Fish

Cupid Led + Cup Idled
Pi peace + Pipe Ace
Light Small + Lights Mall

Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
Two professors were sitting in front of an open fire at the local university’s elite Professor’s Club. They were chatting about some of their new classes. During the course of their conversation, one of the professors asked the other if he would like to sample some fine Irish Whiskey while they talked.

“Absolutely! That would be splendid!”

“Waiter! Bring me a bottle of your finest Irish Whiskey please”, called the Professor.

“Certainly sir”, replied the waiter.

A few minutes later, the waiter returned and said, “Here you go sir. This bottle of ‘Jameson’ is one of Ireland’s best single malt grain whiskeys. I hope you both enjoy it!”

“Thank you waiter. I’m sure we will. Can you let me look at the bottle please before you go?”

The waiter passed the bottle to the Professor. The label read:

“Jameson Genuine Irish Single Malt Grain Whisky”.

Without opening the lid of the bottle or tasting, smelling or examining its contents, the Professor became very angry with the waiter saying, “This is NOT genuine Irish whiskey. It is a fraud and absolute rubbish! Take it back!”

By simply reading the label, and without smelling, examining or tasting the fluid first, how did the Professor know that the contents of the bottle was not Irish whiskey?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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