Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to FRIDAY MARCH 26, 2021

Here’s the Story….
We may not be able to outrun old age, but at least we can laugh at it. I hope some of these quotes about growing up and growing old help you get through the day or bring a smile to your face.

A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be
smart, but he’s not very bright.” —Lucille Ball (comedian)

“Middle age is having a choice between two temptations
and choosing the one that’ll get you home earlier.” —Dan Bennett (comedian)

“I’ve never known a person who lives to be 110 who is
remarkable for anything else.” —Josh Billings (humorist)

“Age is something that does not matter, unless
you are a cheese.” —Luis Bunuel (filmmaker)

“At my age, flowers scare me.” —George Burns (comedian)

“You know you are getting old when you stoop to tie your
shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re
down there.” —George Burns (comedian)

“I stay away from natural foods. At my age, I need all the
preservatives I can get.” —George Burns (comedian)

“We’ve put more effort into helping folks reach old age
than into helping them enjoy it.” —Frank Howard Clark (screenwriter)

“Middle age is that awkward period when Father Time
starts catching up with Mother Nature.” —Harold Coffin (author)

“Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge
that he’s married to a grandmother that does.” —J Norman Collie (scientist)

“I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued.” —Bill Dane (photographer)

“Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who
will choose your retirement home.” —Phyllis Diller (comedian)

“I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do.” —Phyllis Diller (comedian)

“Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.” —Phyllis Diller (comedian)

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a GREAT WEEKEND people, stay safe, and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

At what age do you think it’s appropriate to tell
a highway it’s adopted? Zach Galifianakis

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade…
And try to find somebody whose life has given them
vodka, and have a party. Ron White

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. Jim Carrey

I found there was only one way to look thin:
hang out with fat people. Rodney Dangerfield

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. Rita Rudner

I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and
becoming a cabdriver. Zach Galifianakis

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? Robin Williams

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A man was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes.
However he was not prepared to pay the high prices, and after having failed to haggle the vendor
down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting “I don’t give two hoots for your shoes man,
I’ll go and kill my own “croc!,” to which the shopkeeper replied, “by all means, just watch out for
those two “ole boys” who are doing the same!”. So the man went out into the Bayou, and after a
while saw two men with spears, standing still in the water. ‘They must be the ‘ole boys’ he thought.
Just at that point he noticed an alligator moving in the water towards one of them. The guy stood
completely passive, even as the gator came ever closer. Just as the beast was about to swallow the
him, he struck home with his spear and wrestled the gator up onto the beach, where several already
laying Together the two guys threw the gator onto its back, where-upon one exclaimed “Darn!
This one doesn’t have any shoes either!”.😱😳😁😎

Thursdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War Room!”

Answer: Dr. Strangelove!
The full name of the 1964 dark comedy is “Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb”, but is more commonly referred to by its shorter title. In the film, crazed U.S. Air Force General Jack D. Ripper believes the Russians are poisoning our water, so he orders a squadron of B-52 bombers to carry out a nuclear attack on the Soviet Union. What he’s not aware of is that the Russians have invented a doomsday device, which is set to detonate if the Soviets come under nuclear attack. Once the device is activated, it is capable of wiping out all human and animal life on the planet. It is now up to the President of the United States and his advisors to figure out a way to get the bomber pilots to abort the mission, but in the end they are unsuccessful. The line is spoken by the President, one of three characters portrayed by the incomparable Peter Sellers, after a tussle breaks out between a U.S. General and the Russian ambassador.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“There’s no crying in baseball!”

Thursday’s Quizzler is….​
The following sentences have two blanks that can be filled with two words that are anagrams of each other. Please find those words.

  1. The burglar had _ the entire apartment, and it seemed locating even one clue of his identity would be impossible. However, the skilled detective needed but a few _ of the burglar’s torn jeans to start the process of finding the perpetrator.
  2. The construction boss sent Jim to the store for more _. After an hour of Jim being gone, the boss remarked, “It’s a good thing Jim is a hard worker because that boy is as slow as a _.
  3. What started out as a peaceful march turned into complete _ and the National Guard was called in. The melee was _ on two outside groups not even affiliated with the march.

Answer: 1. trashed, threads

  1. nails, snail
  2. bedlam, blamed

Friday’s Quizzler is…….
I had a mistress, with beauty and grace,
With a curious hand and fair of face.
She was the first on earth, and made of clay.
I was a gift to Epimethius on their wedding day.
The Gods, they warned her to let me be.
But none of their warnings did she heed.
You see, my mistress was alone one day,
When to me her inquisitive hand did stray.
She gave you sickness, destruction, and greed,
And all of the things from which evil does feed.
But do not be angry, do not mope.
The last she gave you? It was hope.

What am I and who was my mistress?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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