Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to MONDAY MARCH 29, 2021

Thinking out loud again…

I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.

I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.

So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute!

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

I’m just driving this way to piss you off.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Keep honking, I’m reloading.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather … not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

God must love stupid people, he made so many.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a GREAT MONDAY people, stay safe, and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“A new study reveals Americans are getting fatter and giving up
on their diets. The study was conducted by going to a water
park for five minutes.” -Conan O’Brien

“Boston Medical Center found that 15 percent of 2-year-olds in
the Boston area drink as much as 4 ounces of coffee a day. The
parents claim they give the kids coffee only when they need it,
like when the kid wakes up with a hangover.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“They’re considering a new 10-cent fee on grocery bags here in
New York. My mom said, ‘Who’s laughing at the eight-thousand
bags under the sink NOW?'” -Jimmy F

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers
to some questions the teacher was asking. “Next question,”
announced the instructor. “How would you like to be seen by the opposite sex?”
I was thinking about my answer when the young woman next to
me turned and asked, “How do you spell ‘intellectual?'” 😳

Fridays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“There’s no crying in baseball!”

Answer: A League of Their Own!
“A League of Their Own” is a fictionalized story about the real-life All-American Girls Professional Baseball League (AAGPBL), and one of its founding members the Rockford Peaches. The film takes place in 1943, where due to America’s participation in World War II, most of the male professional baseball players have been shipped overseas. Rather than shut Major League Baseball down, the owners get together and decide to create a women’s league, so as to keep the sport in the public eye. The movie follows the trials and tribulations of the Peaches’ first season together, which ends with the team’s appearance in the inaugural AAGPBL World Series. The line is delivered after Dugan, played by Tom Hanks, loudly reprimands one of his players for making a mental error in the field, which in turn causes the young lady to start bawling.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“People all say that I’ve had a bad break. But today…today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the Earth.”

Friday’s Quizzler is….​
I had a mistress, with beauty and grace,
With a curious hand and fair of face.
She was the first on earth, and made of clay.
I was a gift to Epimethius on their wedding day.
The Gods, they warned her to let me be.
But none of their warnings did she heed.
You see, my mistress was alone one day,
When to me her inquisitive hand did stray.
She gave you sickness, destruction, and greed,
And all of the things from which evil does feed.
But do not be angry, do not mope.
The last she gave you? It was hope.

What am I and who was my mistress?

Answer: The poem is written from the point of view of Pandora’s Box; “my mistress” refers to Pandora.
According to Greek mythology, Pandora was created out of clay. Before Pandora, there were only men on earth. Pandora was fashioned by Zeus as part of his punishment for Prometheus’ theft of the secret of fire. She was gifted with beauty, grace, musical talent and a gift for healing. Finally, Zeus gave her curiosity. He gave her as a gift to Epimethius and presented the box as her dowry, telling them both not to open it. Pandora’s curiosity got the better of her and she opened the box releasing all the evil that is in the world today. However, some good came from it; at the bottom of the box was hope.

Monday’s Quizzler is…….
There are over fifty members in my family;
Yet none quarrel. We all live merrily.

Four leaders have we, all with a bride;
Each has a son who has great pride.

We also have servants who make funny gestures;
But they are hardly used, as they often pester.

The peasants are at the bottom of the line;
Although they outnumber us, they haven’t a right mind.

What are we?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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