WELCOME to WEDNESDAY MARCH 31, 2021
Here’s the Story…
A nun badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while, the lights would turn off. Each time the light would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nub, the room
went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender and asked, May I please use the restroom? The Bartender replied. OK, but I should warn you that there is statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf. “Well, in that case, I’’ just look the other way, said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant. After a few minutes, she came back out and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. She went to the bartender and said, Sir I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the bathroom? Well now they know your one of us, said the bartender, “Would you like a drink? No thank you, but I still don’t understand; said the puzzled nun. “You see,’ laughed the bartender, every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue the lights go out. Now how about that drink?😳😁😎
That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY people, stay safe, and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re
cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.”
—Joan Rivers
“Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on
a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.”
—Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear
“My Mama says that alligators are ornery because
they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.”
—Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler), The Waterboy
“I never feel more alone than when I’m trying
to put sunscreen on my back.”
—Jimmy Kimmel
“Marriage is like an unfunny, tense version of Everybody
Loves Raymond, but it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.”
—Pete (Paul Rudd), Knocked Up
“Being a mom means never buying the right amount of
produce. Either everyone suddenly loves grapes and a
weeks’ worth are eaten in one afternoon, or fruit flies
are congregating around my rotting bananas.”
—Lessons from the Minivan
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
How To Lie To The Bathroom Scale….
- Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner…as well as in the morning, without clothes,
before breakfast, because it’s nice to see how much weight you’ve lost overnight. - Never weigh yourself with wet hair.
- When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In this case, blurred vision
is an asset. Don’t forget the earrings, these things can weigh at least a pound. - Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because they are always five pounds off…to your advantage.
- Always go to the bathroom first.
- Stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale lighter.
- Don’t eat or drink in the morning until AFTER you’ve weighed in, completely naked, of course.
- Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at least half a pound of hair (hopefully).
- Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale (air has to weigh something, right?).
- Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto the towel rack in front of you,
slowly edge your other foot on and slowly let off of the rack. Admittedly, this takes time,
but it’s worth it. You will weigh at least two pounds less than if you’d stepped on normally. 😱😳
Tuesdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“I don’t think having dinner with someone is a crime.” “Not yet.”
Answer: Fatal Attraction!
In this scene lawyer Dan Gallagher (Michael Douglas) is having dinner with copy editor Alex Forrest (Glenn Close) when Dan’s wife is out of town. Dan has just met Alex at a party and now has run into her again. He says line one and she replies with line two. Their small talk leads to a brief affair, after which Alex becomes obsessed with Dan. When Dan is annoyed that Alex has shown up at his apartment, she says, “Well, what am I supposed to do? You won’t answer my calls, you change your number. I mean, I’m not gonna be ignored, Dan!” Then, in a chilling turn of events, she begins to stalk Dan and his family.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“That’s a smart mouse, Del. He’s like a circus mouse. “Correct. That’s just what he is, too. He’s a circus mouse. When I get outta here, he’s gonna make me rich.”
Tuesday’s Quizzler is….
A two hundred dollar purchase
With a twenty-five dollar rent,
Until you have all four of us,
Then an even return you’ll get.
One is next to Illinois,
And one borders Virginia.
One has no state name next to it,
The fourth’s near Pennsylvania
What are we?
Answer: The railroads in the U.S. version of the game of Monopoly!
Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….
Fred and his wife, Nikita, were having a conversation about words while on a road trip.
Fred said, “I am thinking of a devilishly tricky word that has five consonants in a row.”
Nikita countered with, “That’s a good one, but people are lining up to find a word with five vowels in a row.”
What words were Fred and Nikita thinking of?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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