WELCOME to FRIDAY APRIL 2, 2021
- Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess
looks at them and says, “I’m sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
- Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of Holsteins into low earth orbit? They
called it the herd shot ’round the world.
- Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a
famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much.
The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
- Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,
proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.
- A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and
announces: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”
- Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted
to transcend dental medication.
- One Christmas, group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the
lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came
out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off.
“Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
- A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt
and is named “Amal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later,
Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins!
If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”
- These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to
raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town
thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh
MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to “persuade” them to close. Hugh beat
up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop. Terrified,
they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
- And finally, There was a man who sent ten different puns to friends, in the hope that at least
one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did
That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a GREAT WEEKEND people, stay safe, and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“Be the change that you wish to
see in the world.”
― Mahatma Gandhi
“Live as if you were to die tomorrow.
Learn as if you were to live forever.”
― Mahatma Gandhi
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.
“Without music, life would be a mistake.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols
“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better
to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”
― Marilyn Monroe
“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though
nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
― Albert Einstein
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home.
The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.
One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that
he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts
and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed,
“This isn’t a hazelnut daiquiri!” “No, I’m sorry,” replied the bartender, “it’s a hickory daiquiri, doc.”😳
Thursdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“How do you shoot the devil in the back? What if you miss?” “All right, let’s get back to the pier.”
Answer: The Usual Suspects!
In this scene, U.S. Customs Agent David Kujan (Chazz Palminteri) is questioning Roger “Verbal” Kint (Kevin Spacey), a small-time con man and cripple, about a massive explosion and fire that has taken place on a ship docked at the Port of Los Angeles in San Pedro Bay. Police investigating this explosion have found 27 dead bodies and $91 million worth of supposed drug money, and the only survivors are a severely burned and very scared Hungarian gangster and Kint. Verbal’s story, which is told through flashbacks, begins six weeks earlier with five criminals being brought in for a lineup for a hijacked truck (the usual suspects) and ends with the ship blowing up and a mysterious, unseen criminal named Keyser Soze. There is a surprising ending, which I won’t give away in case you haven’t seen this movie! A list on the IMDb of “Twists In The End” rated “The Usual Suspects” as beating out “Psycho,” “The Silence of the Lambs,” “Chinatown,” “The Shining,” “The Sixth Sense” and “Witness for the Prosecution.”
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“I put a curse on that plane.” “I don’t believe in curses.”
Thursday’s Quizzler is….
Emperor Akbar once ruled over India. He was a wise and intelligent ruler, and he had in his court the Nine Gems, his nine advisors, who were each known for a particular skill. One of these Gems was Birbal, known for his wit and wisdom. The story below is one of the examples of his wit. Do you have it in you to find out the answer?
Once, Emperor Akbar wanted to find out which of his courtiers was the most intelligent. He put forth to them a test, announcing that whoever won the test would be awarded the title of “The Most Intelligent Courtier”.
He brought a piece of white cloth, laid himself down on the floor, and said whoever could cover him with the cloth from head to toe would get the award.
Several courtiers tried, but to no avail. If they covered the Emperor’s head, the toes remained uncovered.
Finally, Birbal came in and achieved what none of the courtiers could achieve! What did he do?
Answer: He politely requested the Emperor to lie on his side and pull up his knees, and then he could easily cover the Emperor from head to toe!
Friday’s Quizzler is…….
There is a reason why men’s clothes have buttons on the right
while women have buttons on the left. What is it?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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