Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!


Paraprosdokians (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter
part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected, frequently humorous.

  1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
  2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
  3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
  5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
  6. War does not determine who is right–only who is left.
  7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
  9. I didn’t say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
  10. In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, Notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’
  11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.
  12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
  13. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
  14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
  15. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  16. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
  17. I’m supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY people, stay safe, and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Researchers say much of Florida could be underwater by the
end of the century. On the bright side, they say it could
happen much sooner.” -Conan O’Brien

“It’s the first day of spring, so congratulations to the people of Nebraska,
who survived winter. Now all you’ve got to do is get through severe
thunderstorm and tornado season.” -James Corden

“The U.S. Surgeon General released a statement this week that said
more Americans should start going on walks. Then to everyone’s surprise,
he added, ‘Even if you’re just going out to have a smoke. Just stand up for

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
At the company water cooler, I bragged about my children’s world travels:
one son was teaching in Bolivia, another was working in southern Italy, and
my daughter was completing a year-long research project in India.
One co-worker’s quip, however, stopped me short. “What is it about you,”
he asked, “that makes your kids want to get so far away from you?” 😳😁😎

Mondays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Laura! … Laura! … Laura!” “That was the night that I died, and someone else was saved. Someone who was afraid of water, but learned to swim. Someone who knew there would be one moment when he wouldn’t be watching. Someone who knew that the darkness from the broken lights would show the way.”

Answer: Sleeping with the Enemy!
In this scene, Martin Burney (Patrick Bergin) is calling his wife’s name frantically from a sailboat and his wife Laura (Julia Roberts) begins a voiceover, explaining to the audience how she manages to fake her death at sea and get away from her abusive, controlling, obsessive husband. He has talked her into taking a night sailboat ride and when he isn’t looking she jumps overboard and hides behind a nearby buoy. She has previously broken some overhead boardwalk lights near their beach home so she will know in what direction to swim back. She then moves from Cape Cod to Iowa and assumes a new identity. He at first thinks she has drowned, but gradually realizes she has run away from him and a thriller of a story develops. I won’t tell you the ending in case you haven’t seen it!

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“You alright there, Margie?” “No, I just think I’m gonna barf.” [stands up] “Well, that passed. Now I’m hungry again.”

Monday’s Quizzler is….​
Which noun, from group B, belongs in group A?

Group A


Group B


Answer: Goose.
The others in group B, can be pluralized by adding an S.
The nouns in group A have the word changed to a different word to make a plural.

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
A man escapes from jail with help from his girlfriend. Four girls are accused of being the man’s girlfriend. His girlfriend is lying. Two girls are innocent and telling the truth. The other girl is the man’s sister who is helping the girlfriend lie. Who is the man’s sister?

Amanda: “Melinda is his girlfriend.”
Vanessa: “Eva is lying.”
Eva: “Amanda is lying.”
Melinda: “Vanessa is not his sister.”

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.,

CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.



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