Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to FRIDAY APRIL 9, 2021

24 Simple Truths….

I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
There is great need for a sarcasm font.
How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
Was learning cursive really necessary?
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
Bad decisions make good stories.
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that
you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after BluRay? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.
I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes
to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more
kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because
you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from
cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their
cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze
button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a GREAT WEEKEND people, stay safe, and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool
than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
– Abraham Lincoln

“If I were two-faced, would I be
wearing this one?”
– Abraham Lincoln

“The best thing about the future is that
it comes one day at a time.”
– Abraham Lincoln

“The only mystery in life is why the
kamikaze pilots wore helmets.”
– Al McGuire

“Light travels faster than sound. This is
why some people appear bright until
you hear them speak.”
– Alan Dundes

“Nobody realizes that some people expend
tremendous energy merely to be normal.”
– Albert Camus

“Men marry women with the hope they will
never change. Women marry men with the
hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”
Albert Einstein

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Ken and Melba had finished their breakfast at the retirement home and
were relaxing in the library. “You know,” said Melba, “today, in most
marriage ceremonies, they don’t use the word ‘obey’ anymore.”
“Too bad, isn’t it?” retorted Ken. “It used to lend a little humor to the occasion.”😳😁

Thursdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Well, at least I don’t have to move over to let a funeral go by, man.” “Your car is uglier than I am. Oops, that didn’t come out right.”

Answer: American Graffiti!
In this scene, ’32 Ford deuce coupe driver John Milner (Paul Le Mat) is cruising down the main street of a small California town at night and is trading insults with driver Bob Falfa (Harrison Ford), who is driving a ’55 Chevy. After Milner says, “Yeah, well, your car’s so ugly you must have to sneak up on the pumps to get a tank of gas”, Falfa says line one. Milner has just previously gotten an uninvited passenger in his car, a young girl named Carol (Mackenzie Phillips), who has run over to his hot-rod from another car while both are stopped at a traffic light. Milner calls her a “grungy little twerp” and tries to get rid of her, but she threatens to cry rape if he doesn’t back off. Carol is cracking up at these insults and says the first part of line two, but then realizes she misspoke and says the second part. “American Graffiti” tells the story of Curt Henderson (Richard Dreyfuss) and Steve Bolander (Ron Howard), who are spending one last night with some of their friends in their hometown before heading off to college in the morning. “American Graffiti” was the first big commercial success of director George Lucas (of “Star Wars” fame).

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“What do they call you?” “They call me MISTER Tibbs!”

Thursday’s Quizzler is….
Each of the following clues describes two words. One of the words is a type of mammal. The other word is that mammal with one of the following changes: a letter added anywhere (rat brat), a letter deleted anywhere (badger badge), a letter changed anywhere (hare harp). There is no rearrangement of the other letters. No mammal is used more than once. Gender-specific terms (eg sow or bull) and age-related terms (eg foal or fawn) are not allowed.

1) This is an entire mammal.
2) This is an alternate mammal.
3) This mammal is not far away.
4) This sport can get a mammal teed off.
5) This is mammal luster.
6) This is what a mammal wears to keep warm.
7) This is mammal courage.
8) This is a molded chilled dessert for a mammal.
9) This is a hairpiece for a mammal.
10) This is a sock for a mammal.
11) This is something you would use to hang a mammal.
12) This mammal is a religious leader.

Answer: 1) whole whale
2) other otter
3) near bear
4) wolf golf
5) sheep sheen
6) goat coat
7) skunk spunk
8) mouse mousse
9) pig wig
10) horse hose
11) moose noose
12) rabbit rabbi or mink monk or llama lama

Friday’s Quizzler is…….
We’ve all seen a rebus like “midstuckdle” (stuck in the middle). The following clues are “revrebuseserse” (rebuses in reverse). That is, the clues below are answers to rebuses which all use the “in” construction.

However, the original rebus from the clues below will actually form a word. For example, “Not old in actually existing” would be “renewal” (new in real). Can you solve the rest?

A short poem in scarlet
A room-dividing structure in a female pig.
A joining word in a close friend
A head of corn in grasping tightly
Nothing in what your eyes do
A wild beast’s shelter in stinking decay

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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