Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to MONDAY APRIL 12, 2021

The 5 toughest questions for men are:

What are you thinking about?
Do you love me?
Do I look fat?
Do you think she is prettier than me?
What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that each one is guaranteed to explode into
a major argument if the man answers incorrectly ( i.e. tells the truth). Therefore, as a
public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question # 1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: “I’m sorry if I’ve been pensive, dear. I was just
reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you.”

This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:

a. Baseball.
b. Football.
c. How fat you are.
d. How much prettier she is than you.
e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg,
“If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!”)

Question # 2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: “YES!” or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, “Yes, dear.”

Inappropriate responses include:

a. Oh Yeah, tons.
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love.
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?

Question # 3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: “Of course not!”

Among the incorrect answers are:

a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn’t call you fat, but you’re not exactly thin.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I’ve seen fatter.
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 4: Do you think she’s prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is always: “Of course not!”

Incorrect responses include:

a. Yes, but you have a better personality.
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner.
c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age.
d. Define pretty..
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question# 5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win question.

(The real answer, of course, is “Buy a Corvette!”)

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a GREAT MONDAY people, stay safe, and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“A new study reports that older women are doing more and more binge
drinking. I asked my mom if that was true and she said, ‘I love you, man.'” -Conan O’Brien

“A 16-year-old boy in Bosnia broke a world record this week by smashing
111 concrete blocks with his head in 34 seconds. Get an Xbox! You don’t
have to do that. When asked how it felt to break the world record, the boy
said, ‘Lampshade tricycle is my favorite flavor of pizza truck.'” -James Corden

“Arby’s is facing multiple lawsuits currently, after a data breach exposed the credit card
information of over 350,000 customers. The data breach could reveal potentially
embarrassing information, like the fact that they ate at Arby’s.” -Seth Meyers

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Two Scotsmen, brothers, Finlay and Jim Calder, were sitting in the pub discussing Jim’s big wedding day.
“Aye, it’s going to be grand,” said Jim. “I’ve got everything organized already, the flowers, the church,
the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night.”
Finlay smiled and nodded, approvingly.
“Heavens, I’ve even got a new kilt to be married in,” continued Jim with a look of satisfaction.
“A kilt, that’s grand! You’ll look smart in that,” exclaimed Finlay, “and what’s the tartan?”
“Och,” uttered Jim, “I imagine she’ll be in white.”😱😳😁😎

Fridays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“What do they call you?” “They call me MISTER Tibbs!”

Answer: In the Heat of the Night!
In this scene, bigoted police chief of a small southern town Bill Gillespie (played wonderfully by Rod Steiger) is questioning a black man named Virgil Tibbs (Sidney Poitier), who is suspected of a local murder. Gillespie is suspicious of all the money in Tibbs’ wallet and wants to know where he got it. When Tibbs says it is from his job, Gillespie wants to know what that is. When Tibbs says he is a police detective in Philadelphia, PA, Gillespie is dumbfounded. Then he asks line one and an incensed Tibbs replies with line two. Tibbs is in the area to visit his mother, but his supervisor back in Philadelphia directs him to stay there briefly and help Gillespie solve this case.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“You do that, I’m gonna tell him you’re seeing somebody else while he’s on the stage.””I have two words for you: green card.”

Friday’s Quizzler is….
We’ve all seen a rebus like “midstuckdle” (stuck in the middle). The following clues are “revrebuseserse” (rebuses in reverse). That is, the clues below are answers to rebuses which all use the “in” construction.

However, the original rebus from the clues below will actually form a word. For example, “Not old in actually existing” would be “renewal” (new in real). Can you solve the rest?

A short poem in scarlet
A room-dividing structure in a female pig.
A joining word in a close friend
A head of corn in grasping tightly
Nothing in what your eyes do
A wild beast’s shelter in stinking decay

Answer: 1. Reversed (verse in red)

Swallow (wall in sow)
Mandate (and in mate)
Clearing (ear in cling)
Senile (nil in see)
Rodent (den in rot)

Monday’s Quizzler is…….
I break, she falls. I break, she falls. Who am I, and who is she?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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