Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!


Funny Sayings
A compilation of funny sayings and short puns – keen and winged words of wisdom – This list
can be an inspiration for speeches, letters, greeting cards, weddings, birthdays, and goodbye / farewell.

The pun is mightier than the word.

The road to success is always under construction. [Lily Tomlin]

All my life I’ve always wanted to be somebody. But I see now I should have been more specific.[Jane Wagner]

I worry whoever thought up the term “quality control” thought if we didn’t control it, it would get out of hand.

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become president. I’m beginning to believe it.

I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. [Pat Sajak]

The only power you have is the word ‘no’. [Frances McDormand]

Art doesn’t transform. It just plain forms. [Roy Lichtenstein]

Attempt to get a new car for your spouse – it’ll be a great trade.

I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.

I don’t like balance. Balance is not a word you can use in Versace fashion. [Donatella Versace]

Hypochondria is the only disease I haven’t got.

Everyday is a gift, that’s why they call it the present.

Good judgment comes from experience, and experience … well, that comes from poor judgment.

Answering machine message: “You’re growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now.
You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will
feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message”

Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn’t mean he knows what it is.

There is always light at the end of the tunnel – if there isn’t, it’s not a tunnel …

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings”.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person (pay attention, this one never fails – although the reverse conclusion is not always true).

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a GREAT MONDAY people, stay safe, and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

The answer you’re looking for is inside of you, but it’s wrong.

I was just viciously body-shamed by my mirror.

My brain has too many tabs open.

When you are dead, you don’t know that you are dead. All
of the pain is felt by others. The same thing happens
when you are stupid.😳

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Five surgeons are having drinks together at a surgical convention and making jokes…
The first, a Florida surgeon, says: “I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”
The second, a Michigan surgeon, responds: “Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside of them is color coded.”
The third, a California surgeon, says: “No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside of them is in alphabetical order.”
The fourth, an New York surgeon, chimes in: “You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.”
But the fifth, from Washington D.C. shut them all up when he observed, “You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no brains, no spine, and the head and the rear ends are interchangeable.”😁😎

Fridays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“You are a bad, bad girl, Stephanie.” “I know. I need to be spanked.”

Answer: Sideways
This entertaining movie tells the story of two friends who go on a weeklong road trip through California’s wine country the week before one of them is getting married. Miles (Paul Giamatti) is an uptight high school teacher and a wannabe writer, who is very knowledgeable about wine. Jack (Thomas Haden Church) is a small-time actor who loves to flirt with just about every woman he meets. In this scene at the tasting bar at one of the vineyards they visit, server Stephanie (Sandra Oh) pours them a full glass instead of just the small sample visitors normally are poured. Jack playfully says line one and Stephanie, without missing a beat, replies with line two. In the 2005 Academy Awards “Sideways” won one Oscar and was nominated for four others, including Best Picture (but lost to “Million Dollar Baby”). One of the closing credits reads, “No oak trees were harmed during the filming of this movie.” This is in reference to the scene at the end of the movie where Jack deliberately crashes Mile’s car into an oak tree to provide an explanation for his fiancée for his facial injuries (they really came from a beating by Stephanie with her motorbike helmet, after she finds out he is getting married the following weekend.)

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“Have you ever been liberated before?” “I got divorced twice. Does that count?”

Friday’s Quizzler is….​
Given below are five pairs of words. Each pair sounds similar, but have different meanings (they are homonyms). Can you find them?

Lift high – Bring down, destroy
Plant with ears – Labyrinth
Burial/Cremation formalities – Uses a pen and paper and forms legible words
To communicate with God – Carnivore’s target
Watery part of milk that separates when milk turns to curds – The route or the course traveled from one place to another

Answer: Raise – Raze
Maize – Maze
Rites – Writes
Pray – Prey
Whey – Way

Monday’s Quizzler is…….
According to U.S. law, there are officially designated days that all U.S. flags are to be flown at half-mast (for example: Memorial Day). The President and state governors also have the right to declare certain days that flags are to be flown at half-mast.

There is a particular group of U.S. flags that are never lowered to half-mast and appear to “violate” this U.S. Law. These flags were erected by U.S. Military personnel, but those troops will never be accused of doing anything wrong for those violations.

These flags are currently displayed today, and they have been for numerous years. Where is this particular group of flags displayed?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at,


CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at, The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.



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