Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to THURSDAY APRIL 22, 2021

Doctor’s Reports

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.
The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.
The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
Healthy appearing decrepit 99 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
The patient refused an autopsy.
The patient has no past history of suicides.
Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
Patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
She is numb from her toes down.
While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
The skin was moist and dry.
Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
Patient was alert and unresponsive.
Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
I saw your patient today, who is still under our Car for physical therapy.
The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a GREAT THURSDAY people, stay safe, and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“A package of salad mix that was sold in a Florida Walmart was found to
contain a dead bat. This is shocking news – someone shopping at
Walmart bought a salad.” -Conan O’Brien

“According to a new report, Amazon is now worth twice as much as
Walmart. In response, Walmart announced that they’re planning to
open a second checkout lane.” -Seth Meyers

“There is a new trend in U.K. corporate policy where employees are being
given paid time off so that they can acclimate a new pet to their home.
They’re calling it ‘pawternity’ leave. Paid time off for pets should not be a
thing. Here is how that discussion should go: ‘Excuse me, boss, I want to
get a new dog, but I need a week off to bond with the animal.’ And your
boss goes, ‘Oh, OK, cool. You’re fired.'” -James Corden

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
“The thrill is gone from my marriage,” one buddy told another.
“Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?”
“But what if my wife finds out?”
“Heck, this is a new age we live in. Go ahead and tell her about it!”
So the guy went home and said, “Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together.”
“Forget it,” said his wife. “I’ve tried that so many times and it never worked.” 😳

Wednesdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Men still do that, don’t they? I’m not out of date, am I? Picking flowers for a woman as a sign of appreciation.”
“No, not at all, except those are poisonous.” [laughs] “I’m kidding!”

Answer: The Bridges of Madison County!
This movie is told in flashbacks as the children of Iowa farmer housewife, Francesca Johnson (Meryl Streep), start reading her journal after her death. In the events leading up to this scene, National Geographic photographer Robert Kincaid (Clint Eastwood) is assigned the job of photographing an old wooden covered bridge in Iowa. He crosses paths with Francesca, who is trapped in a not very exciting life, and they hit it off and have a four-day affair. As Robert says later in the movie, “This kind of certainty comes but once in a lifetime.” In this scene Francesca has shown Robert where the bridge is located, and to show his appreciation he picks her a bunch of wildflowers. As he hands her the bouquet he says line one. She straight faced replies with the first part of line two and then laughs and adds, “I’m kidding!” In the 1996 Academy Awards, Meryl Streep was nominated for Best Actress in a Leading Role but lost the Oscar to Susan Sarandon in “Dead Man Walking.” If you think Meryl Streep looks plumper than usual in this movie, you are correct. She put on 15-20 pounds of weight for her role as Francesca Johnson.

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“I’m talking about millions in Kuwaiti bullion.” “You mean them little cubes you put in hot water to make soup?”

Wednesday’s Quizzler is….
A vacationing family sitting around the campfire has the following conversation:

Father: What day is it? I am sure it isn’t Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday.
Mother: Well that’s not very helpful dear. Besides yesterday was Friday.
Father: No, now that I think about it, yesterday wasn’t Friday, tomorrow is Friday.
Jon: The day after tomorrow is Thursday.
Meg: You are nuts. Tomorrow is Thursday.
Mother: Actually, it’s probably Thursday today.
Jon: All we know for sure is that it wasn’t Sunday yesterday.

If only one statement above is true, what day of the week is it?

Answer: Number each person’s statement and write down the list of days that it could be according to each statement.

Monday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday
Saturday
Thursday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday
The only day mentioned one time is Monday. Therefore it must be Monday, otherwise one of the other statements would be true.

Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
A cork, say from a wine bottle, is held by a robotic clamp at the bottom of a bucket of water and released the moment the bucket is dropped off the side of a tall building. What will happen to the cork during the fall? Will it float to the top of the bucket normally, slower than normal, faster than normal, or not at all?

Assume that there is no air resistance to slow the bucket down.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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