Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to MONDAY APRIL 26, 2021

As I Mature…

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk
them and hope they panic and give in.

I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people just aren’t worth it.

I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I’ve learned that you can keep vomiting, long after you think you’re finished.

I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I’ve learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the
passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place!

I’ve learned that 99% of the time when something isn’t working in your house, one of your kids did it.

I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon,
and all the less important ones just never go away.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a GREAT MONDAY! people, stay safe, and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“A man in Oregon was arrested for growing marijuana after police used Google Earth
to track him down. So if you’re one of those crazy conspiracy theorists who thinks
the government is watching you with satellites from space, you were right.” -Jimmy Fallon

“Today is the beginning of the Jewish holiday of Passover, where families gather for
a meal and recall a story of ancient grievances. Or as that’s known in my family,
‘Thanksgiving.'” -Conan O’Brien

“A new study suggests that marriage is more beneficial for men than women. The
results of the study were shouted at me through a locked bedroom door.” -Seth Meyers

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
The pastor of a Baptist church had called all of the little children to the front of the church,
dressed in their cute Easter outfits and had them sit around him. He said, “Today is Easter
and you all look so handsome and beautiful. Today we’re going to talk about the resurrection.
Does anyone know what the resurrection is?” One little boy raised his hand, and the pastor said,
“Please tell us what the resurrection is.” The boy, proud that he knew the answer, said in a clear
loud voice, “When you get one lasting more than four hours, you gotta call a doctor!” 😱😳😁😎

Fridays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Why do you think he removes their skins, Agent Starling? Thrill me with your acumen.” “It excites him.

Answer: The Silence of the Lambs
The American Film Institute (AFI) recently named psychiatrist-turned-cannibal Dr. Hannibal Lecter (played wonderfully in this movie by Anthony Hopkins) as the No. 1 greatest film villain, and after watching this movie it is not hard to see why. In this scene FBI agent-in-training, Clarice Starling (Jodie Foster), is interviewing Dr. Lecter in his Baltimore jail cell. Her boss hopes she can gain some insight into the thinking of a psychopath that will help the FBI catch a killer currently on the loose. Dr. Lecter asks Clarice line one and she replies with line two. When he says, “I didn’t,” Clarice replies “No. No, you ate yours.” In the 1992 Academy Awards “The Silence of the Lambs” won five Oscars, including Best Picture, Anthony Hopkins for Best Actor in a Leading Role and Jodie Foster for Best Actress in a Leading Role. The moth cocoon found during autopsy in the throat of one of the victims of psychopath Buffalo Bill (Ted Levine) was made from a combination of Tootsie Roll candy and gummy bears, so it would be edible if she accidentally swallowed it. Among the actors considered to play Dr. Lecter were Robert De Niro, Jack Nicholson, Jeremy Irons, John Hurt, Robert Duvall, Christopher Lloyd, Patrick Stewart and Louis Gossett, Jr.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“Look, John, we can’t have you running around out there wastin’ friendly civilians.” “There are no friendly civilians!”

Friday’s Quizzler is….​
If I were to bleed from a wound or two,
You’d note in amazement, my blood is blue.
I’m found as a fossil in ancient stone,
Yet living today, I’m almost a clone.
My eyes will adjust a great many fold,
To see by the moonlight, who I can hold.
If I could tell my mate, I would say it is true,
These wonderful eyes are only for you.
I’m one of the last to die from pollution,
A living exception to evolution.

Answer: A horseshoe crab.
As an adult, some may reach about 20 inches and if wounded indeed their blood is copper based and blue unlike most other blood.
The Horseshoe crabs that swim ashore each year to mate are almost exactly the same as those found in the fossil record dating back an estimated 300 million years or more according to scientists. That’s 100 million years before the dinosaurs!
Studies of their unusual eyes have shown that they become much more receptive at night regulated by their own internal clock. One article even stated a million times more receptive! Even studied for years in total darkness, the eyes continue to adjust back and forth for night and day. Since they locate food primarily by chemical scent, the only useful purpose for the amazing eyes seems to be their use to locate mates during their short breeding cycle. Hence, they could honestly tell their mate (if they could speak) “I only have eyes for you.”
Very hardy, they are almost impervious to pollution and are often the last living creatures in polluted bays. Staying unchanged over millions of years makes this creature an enigma to evolutionists who must try to explain why they did not evolve or change over such a long period.
Not really closely related to a crab, these creatures are more like spiders and scorpions.
The hint? .. the shoe you probably got, and beauty refers to the classical horse adventure story “Black Beauty”.

Monday’s Quizzler is…….
What phrase is represented below?

JG
UN
MI
PP
IM
NU
GJ
Good
New
New

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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