Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to MONDAY May 3, 2021

MONDAY’S PUNOGRAPHY…

A good pun is its own reword.

I bet the butcher the other day that he couldn’t reach the meat that was on the top
shelf. He refused to take the bet, saying that the steaks were too high.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?

Biologists have recently produced immortal frogs by removing their vocal cords. They can’t croak.

The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop them a line.

On the surface of things, whales are always blowing it.

The marine biology seminars weren’t for entertainment but were created for educational porpoises.

A dog breeder crossed a setter and a pointer at Christmas time and got a pointsetter.

A cat ate some cheese and waited for a mouse with baited breath.

If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was ticketed for littering.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

The flock of doves decided to stage a coo.

Peacocks are meticulous because they show attention to de tail.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a GREAT MONDAY! people, stay safe, and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Scientists are now claiming that every hour spent running increases your
lifespan by seven hours. In other words, a majority of Americans died
three years ago.” -Conan O’Brien

“A high school boy in Georgia got the local police to help him stage a drug bust in
order to ask a girl to prom. The police say they loved helping the two with the
prom-posal, and look forward to seeing them together on prom night when they
arrest them for underage drinking.” -James Corden

“A 120-pound Texas woman set a new competitive eating record yesterday after
she ate three 72-ounce steaks, three baked potatoes, three shrimp cocktails, three
salads, and three dinner rolls in 20 minutes. Or as they call it in Texas, a kids meal.” -Seth Meyers

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Manning the computer help desk for the local school district was my first job. And
though I was just an intern, I took the job very seriously. But not every caller took me seriously.
“Can I talk to a real person?” a caller asked.
“I am real,” I said.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” the caller said. “That was rude of me. What I meant to say was,
could I talk to someone who actually knows something?” 😳

Fridays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Your son has a very great talent. I don’t think you are aware how great it is. That he is attempting to use that very talent against your will.” “He is a very willful boy.”

Answer: The Shining!
In the events leading up to this scene, Jack Torrance (Jack Nicholson) has accepted the job of being the winter caretaker for an isolated Colorado resort hotel, despite hearing a grisly story about a previous caretaker going stir crazy and killing his family. Jack, his wife Wendy (Shelley Duvall) and son Danny (Danny Lloyd) arrive at the Overlook hotel just as the staff is getting ready to leave. They are shown the kitchen by the resort’s chef Dick Hallorann (Scatman Crothers), who realizes Danny has the special power of mental telepathy his grandmother used to call “shining.” In this scene a delusional Jack is having a conversation with Delbert Grady (Philip Stone), a butler he thinks is the caretaker who killed his family. Grady says line one and Jack replies with line two. Grady then adds, “Indeed he is, Mr. Torrance. A very willful boy. A rather naughty boy, if I may be so bold, sir.” When Jack replies, “It’s his mother. She, uh, interferes” Grady says, “Perhaps they need a good talking to, if you don’t mind my saying so. Perhaps a bit more. My girls, sir, they didn’t care for the Overlook at first. One of them actually stole a pack of matches, and tried to burn it down. But I “corrected” them sir. And when my wife tried to prevent me from doing my duty, I “corrected” her.” The ominous-sounding music in the opening scene is just wonderful. “The Shining” is one my favorites.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“Why do you want this so badly?”
“Because they said I couldn’t have it.”

Friday’s Quizzler is….​
Unscramble the words below, then take the letters from each word as instructed:

EQUEU Take letters 1,4 and 5
YMRRA Take letters 1,2 and 3
IELAN Take letters 1,3 and 5
CBA Take letter 2

Unscramble the letters you collected… what do you get?

Answer: EQUEU Take letters 1,4 and 5 – QUEUE – take Q,U,E
YMRRA Take letters 1,2 and 3 – MARRY – take M,A,R
IELAN Take letters 1,3 and 5 – ALIEN – take A,I,N
CBA Take letter 2 – CAB, take A

Letters Collected:
Q,U,E
M,A,R
A,I,N
A

Unscramble the above to get ‘Aquamarine’.

Aquamarine is a fascinating gemstone, available in varied shades of blue, from where it gets its name. The peaceful and serene look of an aquamarine gemstone further encourages people to treat it as lucky for women who want a happy and peaceful marriage! Many view it as an exotic and lucky gemstone because of the association with water.

Monday’s Quizzler is…….
Five couples were surprised to find out that not only did they all have hyphenated last names, they had all gotten married in the same year! Determine from the clues below the first and last names of each couple and in what month they were married.
Note: There were no same-sex couples in the group; each of the men married a woman and vice versa.

Women: Beatrice, Emily, Lucy, Teresa, Wendy
Women’s Last Names: Baker, Ingalls, Landon, Morse, West
Men: Gary, Isaac, Jonathan, Michael, Samuel
Men’s Last Names: Emerson, Gasero, Jimenez, Smith, Thompson
Months: February, April, June, August, October

  1. No one had a last name that started with the same letter of their first name before they were married. No one married someone whose last name started with the same letter as their first name.
  2. Emily convinced her husband that Smith-Landon sounded too much like Smith and Wesson, so they hyphenated their names the other way around.
  3. The five couples are represented by: Wendy, the couple who was married in October, Gary, the Jimenez-Wests, and the couple with Thompson in their name.
  4. Lucy Ingalls, as she was known before she was married, was thrilled to be able to have the June wedding she had always wanted. Samuel’s bride was perfectly happy having an April wedding.
  5. Teresa, whose last name included either Morse or West, escaped the winter wonderland of her wedding day by honeymooning in Hawaii. Michael, on the other hand, left the dog days of summer behind when he honeymooned with Beatrice in Alberta.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.,

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