Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to THURSDAY May 6, 2021

10 Step Guide to Being Handy Around the House

If you can’t find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it’s an improved screwdriver.
Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help.
Despite what you may have been told by your mother, praying and cursing are both helpful in home repair… but only if you are working alone.
Work in the kitchen whenever you can… many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator.
If it’s electronic, get a new one.
Keep it simple: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning it to the “on” switch; or just paint over it.
Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have fixed it.
Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help.
If something looks level, it is level.
Above all, if what you’ve done is stupid, but it works, then it isn’t stupid.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a GREAT THURSDAY! people, stay safe, and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“American Airlines is under fire after one of its flight attendants allegedly yanked
a stroller away from a mother with a baby. Passengers were outraged that the
attendant took the stroller and not the baby.” -Conan O’Brien

“A major food company has recalled two types of frozen hash browns because the
potatoes may contain pieces of golf balls. Doctors say if you’ve already ingested
pieces of golf balls, the best thing is to just let them play through.” -James Corden😁

“A New Jersey restaurant has begun selling a massive taco-covered pizza for $75.
‘Seems a little steep,’ said a customer who was looking at the three steps
in front of the restaurant.” -Seth Meyers

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A man sees a job ad posted on a construction site, “Handy man wanted; apply within.”
So he does and speaks to the foreman.
“Can you drive a Bobcat?” the foreman asks.
“No.”
“Can you plaster?”
“No.”
“Have you ever done any carpentry?”
“No.”
“If you don’t mind me asking,” says the foreman, “what’s so handy about you?”
“Well, I only live about five minutes down the road…”😳

Wednesdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Tell me I’m a good man.”
“You ARE.”

Answer: Saving Private Ryan!
In the events leading up to this scene, Captain John Miller (Tom Hanks) and a squad of soldiers in World War II are sent to try and locate Private James Ryan (Matt Damon) after a clerk notices his three brothers have recently been killed. However, Ryan does not want to abandon his fellow soldiers when he is told by Captain Miller that he is going home. As he says when informed of the deaths of his brothers, “You can tell her [his mother] that when you found me, I was with the only brothers I had left. And that there was no way I was deserting them. I think she’d understand that.” In this scene, an old James Ryan is looking at Captain Miller’s gravestone in the American Cemetery in Normandy and remembering his dying words, “James, earn this… earn it.” He turns to his wife and says line one. She replies back with line two. In the 1999 Academy Awards “Saving Private Ryan” won five Oscars and was nominated for six more, including Best Picture (but lost to “Shakespeare in Love”). This movie was based on the true story of the Niland brothers.

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“You’re going into the men’s room.”
“Huh? Oh, so I am. I do need new glasses.”

Wednesday’s Quizzler is….
Three girls (Jada, Sally, and Patty) and two boys (Huey and Timmy) decided to go out to the gardens and pick some flowers for their parents (Rebecca, Lindsey, Ken, Daniel, and Mike). Each child chose a different flower, and picked a different amount. Can you figure out their first and last names, their parent’s name, the flower they picked, and the amount they picked?

The girls picked flowers for their dads, while the boys picked flowers for their moms.
Ken Rosenthal received 2 flowers.
Six daffodils were picked by Harrison.
Sally and Daniel’s daughter are best friends.
Only one person picked a flower with the same initial as their first name. Only one person received a flower with the same initial as their first name. Nobody picked or received a flower with the same initial as their last name.
The 5 types of flowers are the sunflower, the type picked by Jada, the ones picked by Timmy, the ones given to Mike, and Sally’s flowers.
Three daisies were picked by Gonzalez.
Rebecca Jones received 5 sunflowers.
Patty loves daffodils, so she picked some for her dad.

Good Luck!

Answer: Jada, Daniel, Gonzalez, daisy, 3
Sally, Ken, Rosenthal, carnation, 2
Huey, Rebecca, Jones, sunflower, 5
Timmy, Lindsey, Smith, tulip, 4
Patty, Mike, Harrison, daffodil, 6

Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
I’m called by three letters
Though I have a long name.
I’m in all of you,
But I’m never the same.

I’m all coiled up
So that I am quite small,
But if you stretch me out
I’ll be really tall.

I could be the root
Of certain disease;
If man can unlock me
He’ll solve many mysteries.
What am I?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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