Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to MONDAY May 10, 2021

What the Doctor says and what he really means….

Doctor: “This should be taken care of right away.”
Translation: I’d planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

Doctor: “Let me check your medical history.”
Translation: I want to see if you’ve paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.”

Doctor: “We have some good news and some bad news.”
Translation: The good news is, I’m going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you’re going to pay for it.

Doctor: “Let me schedule you for some tests.”
Translation: I have a forty percent interest in the lab.

Doctor: “I’d like to prescribe a new drug.”
Translation: I’m writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

Doctor: “If it doesn’t clear up in a week, give me a call.”
Translation: I don’t know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

Doctor: “I’d like to run some more tests.”
Translation: I can’t figure out what’s wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve it.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a GREAT MONDAY! people, stay safe, and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“In Philadelphia, police are looking for a man who robbed a Dunkin’ Donuts,
and was caught on a surveillance camera doing some stretches in the parking
lot just beforehand. Police are on the lookout for the only health-conscious
person to ever enter a Dunkin’ Donuts.” -Conan O’Brien

“United Airlines is investigating a report that a giant rabbit died on a flight
from London to Chicago. He was survived by his wife and 167 children.” -Seth Meyers

“According to a new study, 88 percent of Facebook users have admitted to
spending some time looking at their exs profile. While the other 12 percent
have admitted to spending ALL of their time looking at their ex’s profile.” -Jimmy Fallon

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
“Did you give the prisoner the third degree?” the police captain asked the detective.
“Yeah, we browbeat him pretty good,” nodded the other. “Asked him every question
and made every threat we could think of.” “And did you get a confession?” asked the sergeant.
“Not exactly,” explained the officer. “All he’d say was, ‘Yes dear,’ and dozed off.” 😳😁😎

Fridays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Your name is John Coffey?”
“Yes sir, boss. Like the drink, only not spelled the same.”

Answer: The Green Mile!
In this scene, Depression-era death row prison guard, Paul Edgecomb (Tom Hanks), takes custody of huge prisoner John Coffey (Michael Clarke Duncan), who is accused of murdering two little girls (he is later seen by the guards to be innocent). Edgecomb asks the first line as he checks his clipboard, after he and several other guards escort Coffey to his new cell, and Coffey responds with line two. Coffey’s magical powers then lead to some amazing events. In the 1995 Academy Awards, “The Green Mile” was nominated for four awards, including Best Picture, but didn’t win any. Best Picture that year went to “American Beauty.” The scene showing Coffey watching Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers dancing (in the 1935 movie “Top Hat”) to the song “Cheek to Cheek” and the line “I’m in Heaven…” is a real tearjerker. This movie is based on a Stephen King novel.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“I think I know what “If you build it, he will come” means.”
“Ooh… why do I not think this is such a good thing?”

Friday’s Quizzler is….
Diagramless is a special form of crossword puzzle. It is the same, just you have no idea where the
black squares are, you have to use the answers to the clues and the numbers of them to figure that out.

Can you figure this diagramless out?

It is just a small, 4×4 grid, and there are two black squares.

Across Clues:

Water Sport
Best Grade
__ top of; above
Place of relaxation
Water Level

Down Clues:

Opposite of future
Oxygen
Fill by putting on
Opposite of off
3.14
Vowel between C and H

Answer: Here are the answers to the rows.
Row 1 – POLO, Row 2 – A-ON, Row 3 – SPA-, Row 4 – TIDE
Here are the answers to the columns:
Column 1 – PAST, Column 2 – O-PI, Column 3 – LOAD, Column 4 – ON-E

Monday’s Quizzler is…….
Jake and his friend Paco had very famous challenge sessions at their school. One would suggest something they could do, and the other would prove it wrong somehow.

One day, Jake surprised Paco by stating: “I can answer any question in the world.”

Sure that he would win the challenge, Paco accepted the task of proving it wrong. He wrote up a test full of impossible questions. After a while, Jake returned the test. Paco unbelievably lost the challenge and told Jake he could indeed answer any question. How did Jake win?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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