Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to WEDNESDAY May 19, 2021

Humor is known to provide positive health effects on individuals by producing endorphin’s that are 500 times more effective in eliminating pain than morphine. The following series of witty one liners are great phrases to remember so you can share them along to others. People who laugh tend to required less pain medication after surgery than those that do not.

Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY! people, stay safe, and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

I intend to live forever. So
far, so good. Steven Wright

Tomorrow is often the busiest
day of the week. Spanish proverb

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot,
but I always found them. Rodney Dangerfield

Rice is great when you’re hungry and
you want 2000 of something. Mitch Hedberg

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it,
but not necessary to show it off. Bill Murray

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Sitting in the bar George asked his 40-year-old friend John, “How come you aren’t married?”
John: “I haven’t found the right woman yet.”
George: “So what are you looking for?”
John: “Oh she’s got to be real pretty, a good cook and house keeper, she’s got to know how
to handle finances, have a forgiving personality — and money, she’s got to have money, and
if she has her own house it wouldn’t hurt either.”
George: “A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU!”
John: “Oh, it’s okay if she’s crazy.” 😁😎

Tuesdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Don’t ever do nothin’ like this again. Don’t come back up here.”
“You don’t have to worry about that, Sheriff.”

Answer: Deliverance!
In the events leading up to this scene, outdoor enthusiast Lewis Medlock (Burt Reynolds) organizes a weekend canoeing trip down a soon-to-be-submerged river in the Georgia backcountry, with three urban businessmen (played by Jon Voight, Ned Beatty, and Ronny Cox) but they enter a nightmare. When two backcountry mountain men start to sexually assault one of the canoeists, Medlock kills him with a bow and arrow and they hide the body. Later, Ed Gentry (Jon Voight) kills the second one and his friends sink his body in the rising lake water. In this scene the local sheriff suspects but can’t prove that something happened, and he warns them with line one. Bobby Trippe (Ned Beatty) quickly replies with line two. In the 1973 Academy Awards, “Deliverance” was nominated in three categories, including Best Picture (but lost to “The Godfather”). The novel this movie is based on was written by James Dickey. He has a small part in this movie as Sheriff Bullard for the small town of Aintry (and has the quote in line one). The great bluegrass song “Dueling Banjos” was written for this movie and subsequently became a huge hit in 1973. However, Arthur Smith pointed out that he had written and recorded an almost identical tune in 1955 called “Feuding Banjos.” Smith eventually won a lawsuit over the issue.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“Kids are scared of the dark.”
“You’re afraid of the dark, too, Marv.”

Tuesday’s Quizzler is….​
Once, there was a lovesick tiger who fell in love with a lovely lioness. However, her pride rejected him, and they were not allowed to be together because he was different.

Heart sickness and grief caused the lovely lioness to lose all of her fur. Even though it was a sad sight, the tiger was overjoyed! Now he would shave off all of his fur. Then he could pretend to be a large lion and be with his beloved.

Unfortunately, they did not get to live happily ever after! His plan failed. Even with his fur gone, everyone could tell he was a tiger.

Ignoring any obvious size differences, how did the pride know that he was obviously still a tiger?

Answer: Tigers have striped skin as well as striped fur

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….
Find the synonymous word for each word in the following pair. For each pair, the words you find should rhyme with each other, the first word being an adjective and the second a noun. Some of these are easy, others are more challenging. Good luck!

For example: angry father= mad dad

Depressed circus entertainer

Not living center of a pencil

Cool film

Not soft protector

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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