Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to TUESDAY May 25, 2021

Really Bad Punography…

I saw an ad for burial plots, but that’s the last thing I need.
Did you hear about the silk worm race? It ended in a tie.
I got fired from the calendar factory, just for taking a day off.
Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland? A: Well, the flag is a big plus.
Clones are people two.
I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn’t find a manual.
Napoleon may not have designed his coat, but he did have a hand in it.
I put up a high-voltage electric fence around my house. My neighbor is dead against it.
What are windmills’ favorite genre of music? They’re big metal fans.
The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
Shopping centers, you’ve seen one, you’ve seen the mall.
My ceiling isn’t the best, but it’s up there.
I love whiteboards. They’re re-markable.
Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? AIreland. Every day it’s Dublin.
The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working. It doesn’t make any cents.
I tried to make a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
I went to a new mechanic. They came highly wreck-a-mended.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? A hippo is really heavy, and a Zippo is a little lighter.
Yesterday a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester.
Why can’t you run through a campground? You can only ran, because it’s past tents.
Becoming a vegetarian is a big missed steak.
Why can’t Harry Potter tell the difference between his potion pot and his best friend? They’re both cauld ron.
An atom lost an electron. It really should keep an ion them.
What’s the best time on a clock? 6:30, hands down.
Please don’t make my funeral too early. I’m not really a mourning person.
I got fired from the bank. A man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY! people, stay safe, and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“A company will make a life-size 3D printed model of yourself that
you can send to your mom for $30,000. It’s a great way of telling
your mom I’d rather spend $30,000 than visit you in person.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A new study suggests that a chemical released when a person is hungry
can lead to poor decision-making. It’s what Taco Bell calls ‘our entire business model.'” -Seth Meyers

“Netflix is testing a new feature that will allow you to hide what you’ve
been watching. You just click the button and it says, I want to stay married.” -Conan O’Brien

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
My sister, went to the store to check out the bridal registry of our niece whose wedding
was coming up soon. When my sister returned from the store, she tossed the gift list on
a table and declared, “I think she’s too young to get married.”

“Why do you say that?” I asked.

“Because,” she said, “they’ve registered for video games.” 😳

Mondays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“I’m making waffles!”

Answer: Donkey in the movie “Shrek”
The correct answer is, of course, Donkey in the movie ‘Shrek’. The full quote, said to Shrek, the ogre is, ‘We’ll stay up late swapping manly stories, and in the morning, I’m making waffles!’ Not surprisingly, Shrek wasn’t impressed.
This film was released in 2001 and it won the very first Academy Award for Best Animated Feature Film in the same year. The story takes viewers to a fairy tale setting where an ‘evil’ ogre, Shrek, must save and protect Princess Fiona and deliver her to the antagonist, Lord Farquaad. In the particular scene from which the quote is pulled, Shrek has saved Donkey early on in the movie, and Donkey is looking to Shrek to be his friend. When Shrek decides to let him come to his swamp, Donkey has plans to settle right in.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“Well, you know what they say: if you don’t have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!”

Monday’s Quizzler is….
My first three letters are a term in golf,
While my second, third, and fourth are drawings.
My first four are less than a whole,
And all of me is a celebration.

What am I?

Answer: Party
Par is the maximum number of strokes you should need to hit the ball in the hole.
Art can be drawings, sculptures, or anything of the sort.
Part is not a whole thing, so it is not a whole.
A party is a celebration.

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
The police were checking the place. Outside, Mary, Mr. Olson’s faithful secretary, was a mass of nerves. Inspector Will was reviewing the facts:

Mr. Olson has been murdered. The murderer buried a stiletto through the back of the chair and right through his heart.
All the place was a mess, but nothing seems to be lost. Some sheets on his desk had coffee stains, but Mr. Olson was not a coffee drinker. There was no coffee container of any kind in the office. There were a couple of gloves in the floor.
Mary had in her visit book just three announcements: Hari Colton (2:35), Louis Williams (3:10) and Joseph Markis (3:45). Mary says that Joseph was the only one to serve himself a cup of coffee in a paper cup.
The cup of coffee was found in Mary’s wastebasket. She claims that Joseph entered Mr. Olson’s office with the cup in his hands, and then he left it in her desk, so she took it and threw it away.
The stiletto had no fingerprints at all, but the paper cup was all covered with one type of fingerprint: Joseph’s (they had a mobile fingerprint lab).
Mr. Olson’s wristwatch was broken, probably due to the fight, and it showed the time at 3:50.

Inspector Will then talked to Mary, to tell her she was under arrest.
Why did he suspect her?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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