WELCOME to THURSDAY May 27, 2021
Here’s the Story….
One day, the man driving a large passenger train was texting with his new girlfriend and unthinkingly accelerated the train into a curve. The train went out of control and derailed, killing everybody on the train but him. After being sentenced to 98 counts of manslaughter at the trial, he was sentenced to death.
When the day finally came, the warden asked what he wanted as his final meal. He responded “Eighteen bananas and a cup of grain alcohol”. When the Warden questioned why, the man fell silent. But, trying to be compassionate, the Warden provided the bananas, which the man quickly and purposefully ate, one after the other. After refusing to talk to a priest, the man was brought into the death chamber and strapped into the electric chair.
Finally, all procedures completed, the Warden threw the switch. All the lights in the room went dim, but the man sat quietly in the chair, completely unaffected. After a full minute, the Warden cut the power, checked all the connections, turned up the current, and threw the switch again. A sharp hum echoed through the room, the lights flickering and dimming, but again, the man sat unaffected, tapping his fingers as if bored.
The Warden, clearly perplexed, went in back, checked the breakers, replaced the headband and tightened all the straps. He turned the current to the maximum, and threw the switch. The lights went out throughout the rest of the prison, the room filling with the sound of arcing power and the sharp smell of Ozone. But after two full minutes, the man in the chair shrugged, clearly bored, and the Warden turned off the power.
The Warden removed the man’s blindfold. “According to the law, if you survive three execution attempts, we have to let you go. But I’ve got to ask: was it the bananas and the alcohol that saved you, somehow?”
The man shook his head. “No. The jury said it themselves: I’m just a terrible conductor.” 😱
That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY! people, stay safe, and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of
what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” – Albert Einstein
“When life gives you lemons, squirt
someone in the eye.” – Cathy Guisewite
“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth
has a chance to get its pants on.” – Winston S Churchill
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
One day, an Australian man was sitting in a clearing in the forest, banging cymbals and pots and pans and loudly
singing off key. A local warlock was working nearby, and came out to confront the man. He tried to be nice at first.
“Hey, would you quiet down? I’m trying to cast spells”.
The man ignored the warlock, and kept banging on the cymbals and pots. The warlock grew angry.
“Quiet down or I’ll cast a spell on you!”
The man ignored him, and sang louder.
The Warlock snapped. “If you don’t stop that racket by the time I count to three, I’ll turn you into a Koala Bear and THEN you’ll be quiet!”
The man burst into a louder chorus still. The Warlock started to count.
“One!” The man banged the pots louder.
“Two!” The man started banging the pots on the cymbals.
“Three!” The Warlock raised his staff, shouted incantations to the sky, enveloped in a buzzing sphere of yellow light, hurling it towards the man and yelling “Now you are Koala!”
But the light dissipated as soon as it hit the man, and he kept on banging the cymbals and singing.
The Warlock shook his head. “That’s impossible! How did you not change?!”
The man looked over at the Warlock and shrugged. “It’s just like the last guy who wandered by said. I’m unbearable.” 😳
Wednesdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Go ahead, make my day.”
Answer: Sudden Impact!
This phrase is used by Harry Callahan, played by Clint Eastwood, as a gunman is holding a waitress hostage during a hold-up at a diner. Harry points his .44 Magnum in the gunman’s face and dares him to shoot, saying “Go ahead, make my day!” He uses the same phrase at the end of the movie, speaking to a man who is going to rape a woman.
Clint Eastwood made many western movies. Following these, he made five “Dirty Harry” movies beginning in 1971 and moving into the early 80s. The movies were about a reckless cop in San Francisco, stopping at nothing to bring down criminals. With his .44 Magnum, he made his own kind of justice.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“He hates these cans, stay away from these cans.”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is….
What does the following represent?
Answer: Franks and Beans
Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
The Pope, Celine Dion, George Bush, and Bill Gates are on the same plane. There are only 3 parachutes left for the 4 of them. Bush says: “As the President, I think I should have the right to have a parachute, because I rule millions of people in the greatest nation of all.” Celine Dion says: “As one of the greatest singers of all-time, I think I should deserve to be safe. I bring tears and laughter to millions of people, and I’m an important contributor to pop music.” Bill Gates says: “As one of the richest successful company owners, I think I should live because I’m on top of the economics cycle, creating jobs and incomes for millions of people. I am a wealthy and intelligent man.” Finally, the Pope says: “I’m an old, religious man. I lived a life that’s full, I helped millions of people find their way through God, I’m ready to let go of a parachute and to face my fate.”
Which one of them will abandon the parachute and die?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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