Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to FRIDAY May 28, 2021

ENGLISH GRAMMER PUNAGRAPHY?

A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

A question mark walks into a bar?

A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly. Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Get out — we don’t serve your type.”

A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

A synonym strolls into a tavern.

At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar — fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

A figure of speech literally walks Into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

A dyslexic walks into a bra.

A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.
That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a GREAT MEMORIAL WEEKEND! people, stay safe, and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“All our dreams can come true, if we have the
courage to pursue them.” – Walt Disney

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started.” – Mark Twain

“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games.
26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed
over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.” – Michael Jordan

“Don’t limit yourself. Many people limit themselves to what they think they can do. You
can go as far as your mind lets you. What you believe, remember, you can achieve.” – Mary Kay Ash

“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second-best time is now.” – Chinese Proverb

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing
from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who
apologized profusely saying, “I must have taken Leif off my census.” 😳

Thursdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“He hates these cans, stay away from these cans.”

Answer: The Jerk!
Navin (Steve Martin) finds his name in the phone book and says “Page 73 – Johnson, Navin R.! I’m somebody now! Millions of people look at this book everyday! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity – your name in print – that makes people. I’m in print! Things are going to start happening to me now.” Sadly, the sniper picks Naven randomly from the phone book as his victim. The 1979 film, “The Jerk”, is a very funny film where Steve Martin is raised by a poor black family and decides he is going to make something of himself.
In this scene, Navin R. Johnson is working at a gas station. A sniper is shooting at him, but misses and hits some oil cans. Navin exclaims aloud “He hates these cans, stay away from these cans.”

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“I never told you, but you sound a little like Dr. Seuss when you’re drunk”.

Thursday’s Quizzler is….​
The Pope, Celine Dion, George Bush, and Bill Gates are on the same plane. There are only 3 parachutes left for the 4 of them. Bush says: “As the President, I think I should have the right to have a parachute, because I rule millions of people in the greatest nation of all.” Celine Dion says: “As one of the greatest singers of all-time, I think I should deserve to be safe. I bring tears and laughter to millions of people, and I’m an important contributor to pop music.” Bill Gates says: “As one of the richest successful company owners, I think I should live because I’m on top of the economics cycle, creating jobs and incomes for millions of people. I am a wealthy and intelligent man.” Finally, the Pope says: “I’m an old, religious man. I lived a life that’s full, I helped millions of people find their way through God, I’m ready to let go of a parachute and to face my fate.”

Which one of them will abandon the parachute and die?

Answer: Did I ever mention the plane was crashing? No one’s gonna die.

Friday’s Quizzler is…….
Find a rhyme for each word below so you end up with a familiar three-word phrase in the form “, , and __”.

Example:
Clue = “Cook, Wine, Drinker”
Answer = “Hook, Line, and Sinker”

  1. Shop, Swap, Dole
  2. Mop, Slip, Thump
  3. Mud, Wet, Smears
  4. Sock, Rock, Carol
  5. Claim, Debt, Scratch
  6. Steady, Filling, Label
  7. Warning, Soon, Flight

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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