Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to MONDAY JUNE 14, 2021

Here’s the Story….
Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’ She responded, ‘Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.’
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?’
She again replied, ‘Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.’
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
‘If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the electric chair…!!

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a GREAT WEEK! people, stay safe, and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake
and threw her off the boat. I said, ‘Mom, they weren’t trying to teach
you how to swim.'” -Paula Poundstone

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support
group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” -Drew Carey

“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather–who died peacefully in his sleep.
Not screaming in terror–like all the passengers in his car.”

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Three elderly doctors have been friends for many years, and one afternoon at the
club they started talking about their final arrangements. The first, a dentist, says, “When
I die, I think I’d like my tombstone to be shaped like a tooth made of white marble.”
“That’s a very clever idea,” says the cardiologist, “I’d love my tombstone to be shaped
like a heart in red marble.” The urologist is silent for a bit, then says, “I’m thinking
about having my ashes scattered.” 😳😁😎

Fridays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Ahem, according to Starfleet medical research… Borg implants can cause severe skin irritations. Perhaps you’d like an analgesic cream?”

Answer: “Star Trek: First Contact”
“Star Trek: First Contact” (1996) starred Patrick Stewart, Jonathan Frakes, Brent Spiner, LeVar Burton, Michael Dorn, Gates McFadden, Marina Sirtis, James Cromwell, and Alice Krige (the Borg Queen). The film was directed by Jonathan Frakes, who plays Commander William T. Riker. The Enterprise NCC-1701-D of “Star Trek: The Next Generation” having been destroyed in the previous film, “Generations”, the crew now serves aboard Enterprise NCC-1701-E. The Borg have traveled back in time to just before mankind’s first warp flight in the 21st century, in order to prevent Earth’s first contact with the Vulcans. Of course, the Enterprise crew must stop them before history is changed irrevocably, and humanity is assimilated.
The “future” setting of the movie (Stardate 50893.5, year 2373) takes place during the television series, “Deep Space Nine”, where Worf should be stationed during the time this film covers. However, DS9’s Defiant, captained by Worf, is sent to intercept the Borg cube and, the Defiant becoming disabled in the battle, Worf transfers onto the Enterprise for the remainder of the film.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“Wanna ride on my Segway?”

Friday’s Quizzler is….​
When you behead a word, you remove the first letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.
Example: Begin -> Sour, acidic
Answer: The words are Start and Tart.

  1. Mark left after healing -> Vehicle
  2. To have hit -> Vehicle
  3. Intelligent -> Individual store
  4. Tiny -> Large retail complex
  5. Take illegally -> Bluish green
  6. Clean the floor -> Cry
  7. Expressed in words -> Give assistance
  8. Talk -> Highest level; summit

Answer: 1. Scar -> Car

  1. Struck -> Truck
  2. Smart -> Mart
  3. Small -> Mall
  4. Steal -> Teal
  5. Sweep -> Weep
  6. Said -> Aid
  7. Speak -> Peak

Monday’s Quizzler is…….
A Swaffergy is a word that can be broken up into two parts: a different word and a letter of the English Alphabet.
The word “defense” is a common Swaffergy. It can be broken up into the letter “D”, and the word “Fence”. As a Swaffergy, it would be written like this:
D + A structure serving as an enclosure, a barrier, or a boundary, usually made of posts or stakes joined together by boards, wire, or rails.
Which will give you “D-Fence”, or “defense”.
Can you find the answers to the following Swaffergies?

  1. D + Plural of 12 inches
  2. D + A young cow or bull
  3. D + A narrative of real or imaginary events; a story
  4. D + Dispatch
  5. D + French playwright
  6. D + A surface of an object
  7. D + Of superior quality, skill, or appearance
  8. D + A garland of flowers, especially one worn around the neck
  9. D + What a lamp makes
  10. D + A displayed structure bearing lettering or symbols, used to identify or advertise a place of business

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in NEXT FRIDAY JUNE 18, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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