WELCOME to TUESDAY JUNE 22, 2021
The Definition of OLD….
I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair.
She turned to me and asked, “Are you having it catered?”
And that, my friend, is the sad definition of “OLD”!😳
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied: "Two years older than me" "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
“And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?” the reporter asked.
She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”
I've sure gotten old! I have outlived my feet and my teeth. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license!😳
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and
start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down,
and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart? " "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It’s scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.😁
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run
into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.😎
That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY! people, stay safe, and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“Researchers are developing a stay-sober pill that will prevent you from getting drunk
off of alcohol. It’s perfect for the drinker who wants all the calories
of alcohol but none of the fun.” -Conan O’Brien
“A British tech company has debuted new technology that lets clothing store mannequins
talk about the outfit they are displaying. Said the inventor,
‘The idea came to me in a nightmare.'” -Seth Meyers😁
“A judge in New Jersey ruled that women can keep their husbands and boyfriends out of
the delivery room while they are in labor. When asked if they’d mind leaving the room,
the husbands and boyfriends were already gone.” -Jimmy Fallon
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city.
One asked the other, “Your son go back to college yet?”
“Two days ago.”
“Hm. Mine’s a senior this year, so it’s almost over. In May, he’ll be an engineer.
What’s your boy going to be when he gets out of college?”
“At the rate he’s going, I’d say he’ll be about thirty.”
“No, I mean what’s he taking in college?”
“He’s taking every penny I make.”
“Doesn’t he burn the midnight oil enough?”
“He doesn’t get in early enough to burn the midnight oil.”
“Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?”
“Sure has! It’s totally cured his mother of bragging about him!”
Mondays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“I’m gonna eat your brains and gain your knowledge.”
Answer: Planet Terror!
Theatrically released as one of the two films in the Quentin Tarantino/Robert Rodriguez double-feature offering, “Grindhouse”, “Planet Terror” was the first to be shown of the two. Directed by Robert Rodriguez and released in 2007, “Planet Terror” is about the release of a certain dangerous chemical known as DC2 into the atmosphere, resulting in the transformation of any exposed victims from bumbling Texan townsfolk into the living dead. Starring Rose McGowan, Freddy Rodriguez, Marley Shelton, Quentin Tarantino, Naveen Andrews, Bruce Willis, Michael Biehn, Fergie (of the Black Eyed Peas), one of the director’s sons (Rebel), and two of the director’s nieces as ‘The Crazy Babysitter Twins’, the film was the more action-packed of the two. Robert Rodriguez has also directed “Sin City” and “Spy Kids”.
The quote in question was actually mentioned more than once in the movie. Although Dr. William Block mentions this line to his wife in the end of the movie, it is first mentioned by his son (Tony) earlier in the film, foreshadowing the events yet to come. Soon after saying the line, Tony and his father pray for “no dead bodies for daddy” while his mother, Dakota, plans to run away with her lover, after working the night shift with her husband in the local hospital. Of course, none of this goes according to plan.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“Well we’re back in business boys and girls, just like the old days. “
Monday’s Quizzler is….
What does each word in each group have in common?
A restaurant goer
Answer: Group A- a tongue
Group B- a bill
Group C- a mouth
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
In this teaser, you are to start with the letter ‘I’ and then each time add a letter and shuffle it to make a new word. You need to continue this process until you reach the word ‘CAMPING’.
Not including ‘I’, you must do this in six (6) turns.
C A M P I N G
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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