Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to MONDAY JUNE 28, 2021

23 Adult Truths….

Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
There is great need for a sarcasm font.
How on earth are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
Was learning cursive really necessary?
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind-of tired.
Bad decisions make good stories.
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.
I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.
I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a GREAT MONDAY! people, stay safe, and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Father’s Day cards fit into four major categories: golf, fishing, barbecue, beer. And beer.
And beer. And beer. What kind of message is this? ‘Dad, you are a potbellied drunk and
we’re sending you to rehab after you finish mowing the lawn.’ We need to mix it up a little.
Either the cards need to change, or we do.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Two Australian farmers recently created a kind of vodka made from carrots. It’s the best
thing that’s ever happened to rabbit bachelorette parties.” -Seth Meyers

“More millennials are looking to get rid of extra piercings and even remove their tattoos.
Researchers say it’s due to a new phenomenon occurring among millennials called turning 30.” -Jimmy Fallon

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
My friend Kimberly announced that she had started a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently.
“Good!” I exclaimed. “I’m ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out.
When I feel the urge to go out and get a burger and fries, I’ll call you first.”
“Great!” she replied. “I’ll ride with you.” 😳

Fridays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Juuust a bit outside”

Answer: “Major League”
Actually, the pitch was quite a bit ‘outside’ (almost 10 feet?). Uecker (“Mr. Baseball”, according to Johnny Carson) almost steals the show as the enthusiastic yet sarcastic Harry Doyle in this great comedy centered around the Cleveland Indians. Directed by David S. Ward, “Major League” also starred Tom Berenger, Corbin Bernsen, Wesley Snipes and Rene Russo. An interesting note: The only award nomination the film received was for “Best Foreign Language Film” from the “Award of the Japanese Academy”. Sadly, it didn’t win this obviously prestigious honor.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“You’re gonna need a bigger boat.”

Friday’s Quizzler is….
Yeah, they keep me locked up, but I guess I’m thankful, in short.
I hand out the beatings, while my neighbors import and export.
We make a good team, especially me as the muscle,
But with two dozen guards, I’m glad we never tussle.
But really, I got a lotta my own connections,
Imports, exports, with thousands collectin’.
But between us, there’s really no competition,
I call it harmonizin’ cause we’re on the same mission.
No one is unnecessary, or, you know, too small,
The guy upstairs is the boss of it all.
He’s also incarcerated, but for his good I bet it is,
Business is good, so long as we get the messages.

Question: Who’s doing the talking, and who are the other players in this riddle? (there are a total of 28, minus the narrator’s connections)

Answer: The parentheses are used to number the parts mentioned.
The HEART (1) is the one doing the talking. He is thankful to be “locked up” or guarded by the “two dozen guards,” the (24) ribs that normal humans have in 2 pairs. The ribs protect, and guard both the heart and the LUNGS. The LUNGS are the ‘neighbors’ (2) that have the job of “Importing” and “Exporting” Oxygen and Carbon Dioxide. The heart is- literally speaking- the muscle, and ‘hands out the beatings’ (heart beats). Of course, the heart itself has many “connections” or veins, arteries, and capillaries that “import” and “export” that valuable fluid we call blood. None of these members’ job is unnecessary, or small, and they never compete with each other because they have the one mission of keeping a person alive. And, last but not least, the “guy upstairs” who is “the boss of it all” is ‘incarcerated’ by-yes-the skull. He is none other than the BRAIN (1), which sends electrical messages to all the other members via nerves, which tell them what to do. Business is good so long as these messages are sent. If they aren’t, nothing is moving, and….well, then you’re DEAD. (28)

Monday’s Quizzler is…….
Chris Cross went to the Buymenot Barn to buy a donkey. He looked and looked until he finally found the one which he wanted costing $500. The stable owner, Scammin’ Sam, however, was not ready to take Chris’s word and demanded that Chris paid $100 in advance for the donkey. After thinking for a while, Chris agreed to do so.

When Chris went back the next day, he found that the donkey he liked was dead. He asked Scammin’ Sam for his money back but was told that it had already been used.

A quick thinker, Chris made a deal with Sam. He said that he would keep the donkey but would not pay the $400 which was left in his payment. Sam readily agreed with this thinking that he was giving someone a dead donkey for $100- not a bad deal for him.

Inquisitive, Sam asked Chris what he was going to do with the dead donkey and was told that Chris was about to raffle it off for $5 per ticket. That made Sam extremely amused. He asked, “I thought that you were a dumb one when you gave me money for a dead donkey. Now you’re telling me that you’re going to raffle it off. I don’t know of anybody who wouldn’t complain getting a dead donkey as a prize!”

Chris, however, replied that this wouldn’t be a problem for him. What was his plan?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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