WELCOME to TUESDAY JUNE 29, 2021
Kids Observe Life…..
NUDITY
My kids have always been observant of their surroundings, but they tend to pick out details no one else would notice. I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, “Mom! That lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!”
KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. “Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.”
MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, “What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?”
POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, “Are you a cop?” “Yes,” I answered and continued writing the report.
“My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?” “Yes, that’s right,” I told her. “Well, then,” she said as she extended her foot toward me, “would you please tie my shoe?”
POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me “Is that a dog you got back there?” he asked. “It sure is,” I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, “What’d he do?”
ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, “The tooth fairy will never believe this!”
DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, “Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.”
“And why not, darling?”
“You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning. “
DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: “Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goes.”
SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. I’m just wasting my time,” she said to her mother. “I can’t read, I can’t write and they won’t let me talk!”
BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. “Mama, look what I found,” the boy called out. “What have you got there, dear?” With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, “I think it’s Adam’s underwear ! 😳
That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY! people, stay safe, and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what,
then, is an empty desk a sign?” – Albert Einstein
“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth
has a chance to get its pants on.” – Winston S Churchill
“If a book about failures doesn’t sell,
is it a success?” – Jerry Seinfeld
“Do not take life too seriously, you will
never get out of it alive.” – Elbert Hubbard
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A boy in Sunday school had been taught by the same teacher for a number of years.
She had a way of telling stories and she always ended them by saying: “And the moral of the story is…”
Eventually, he moved up in Sunday school and had a new teacher. After a few weeks, the minister asked
the boy how he liked his new Sunday school teacher. He replied: “She is great; she does not have any morals.” 😳😁😎
Mondays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“You’re gonna need a bigger boat.”
Answer: “Jaws”
What more can be said about this iconic film that hasn’t already been listed time and time again? Not much. The first “true” summer blockbuster. The first film to reach $100 million in theatrical rentals. The highest grossing U.S. film of all time (until “Star Wars” two years later). An instantly reconizable musical score (composed by John Williams), and the list goes on. Directed by Steven Spielberg, the film also starred Robert Shaw, Richard Dreyfuss, and Lorraine Gary. Nominated for a Best Picture Oscar, “Jaws” won for Best Film Editing, Best Sound and Best Music (Original Score).
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“Houston, we have a problem.”
Monday’s Quizzler is….
Chris Cross went to the Buymenot Barn to buy a donkey. He looked and looked until he finally found the one which he wanted costing $500. The stable owner, Scammin’ Sam, however, was not ready to take Chris’s word and demanded that Chris paid $100 in advance for the donkey. After thinking for a while, Chris agreed to do so.
When Chris went back the next day, he found that the donkey he liked was dead. He asked Scammin’ Sam for his money back but was told that it had already been used.
A quick thinker, Chris made a deal with Sam. He said that he would keep the donkey but would not pay the $400 which was left in his payment. Sam readily agreed with this thinking that he was giving someone a dead donkey for $100- not a bad deal for him.
Inquisitive, Sam asked Chris what he was going to do with the dead donkey and was told that Chris was about to raffle it off for $5 per ticket. That made Sam extremely amused. He asked, “I thought that you were a dumb one when you gave me money for a dead donkey. Now you’re telling me that you’re going to raffle it off. I don’t know of anybody who wouldn’t complain getting a dead donkey as a prize!”
Chris, however, replied that this wouldn’t be a problem for him. What was his plan?
Answer: Chris raffled the donkey and 160 people bought tickets. Thus, he received $800 dollars from this. The only person who found out that the donkey was dead was the person who won. Chris gave that person $100 to keep this a secret. So, the person earned $95 if you subtract the ticket price, and Chris ended up earning $600.
Note: How much he raffled it off for does not make a difference. The basic answer is the same.
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
I was going through some old family photos in the attic when I stumbled upon our family tree. I studied it for a couple minutes then went back down stairs to tell my mom about the family tree. The problem is I didn’t study it long enough to remember the whole thing. I only remembered a couple things about it, and recent memories. Can you help me figure out my family tree? There are two grandparents, who had two children, who both got married and had 2 more children each. Totaling 10 people in all (Alex, David, Jamie, Jessica, John, Justin, Lincoln, Martha, Mary and Tina).
- One of Jamie’s ancestors was David.
- John’s sister gave birth to Tina.
- Mary went bowling with her nephew last Saturday.
- Alex is cousins with one of the girls.
- Justin married Mary.
- Jessica is not an ancestor, nor cousin of Tina.
- Lincoln’s brother showed Justin’s son his baseball cards.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.
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