Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!


Here’s The Story….
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry
and stated, ‘If FORD had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.’
In response to Bill’s comments, FORD issued a press release stating:
If FORD had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash.........Twice a day.
Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light.
The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.
Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off. 

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY! people, stay safe, and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“A college student in Pennsylvania is suing her school for the C+ she got in a class.
She said, ‘I’m suing whoever’s responsible for this!’ And her professor said,
‘Don’t you mean WHOMEVER?'” -Jimmy Fallon

“A recent report shows that pot smokers get into fewer car crashers than drunk people.
Then again, it’s easier to see what is coming when you’re driving at 11 miles-an-hour.” -Conan O’Brien

“A restaurant here in New York has started selling a so-called ‘New Yorker milkshake’
which comes topped with whipped cream and a slice of cheesecake. Which means
the next topping you’ll get is a coffin lid.” -Seth Meyers

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
As we Silver Surfers know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers.
I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year-old next door, whose bedroom looks like
Mission Control and asked him to come over. Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, “So, what was wrong?”
He replied, “It was an ID ten T error.”
I didn’t want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, “An, ID ten T error? What’s that?
I want to know, in case I need to fix it again.”
Eric grinned …”Haven’t you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?”
“No,” I replied.
“Write it down,” he said, “and I think you’ll figure it out.”
So I wrote down: ID10T
I used to like Eric, that little smart alec… 😳😁😎

Mondays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Death by stereo!”

Answer: The Lost Boys!
Mike (Patric) and his younger brother Sam (Haim) are forced to move with their mother to their Grandpa’s home in California. Mike is drawn into a biker gang by a young woman, while Sam befriends two kids claiming to be vampire hunters. That turns out to be a good thing, because the boys soon find out vampires are real when Mike starts exhibiting very strange behaviors. They must find and kill the head vampire to turn Mike back into a mortal. “Sleep all day. Party all night. Never grow old. Never die. It’s fun to be a vampire.”
“The Lost Boys” was released in 1987, and starred Jason Patric, Corey Haim, Kiefer Sutherland, Alex Winter, and Dianne Wiest. It was directed by Joel Schumacher.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Dodge this”

Monday’s Quizzler is….​
Oxymorons are not thick bovines, but two words, with opposite meanings, linked together to form a descriptive phrase. As an example, golfers play with metal woods.

Take a word from the top list, pair it with a word from the second, and find all 7 oxymorons.

LIST ONE: fine, dry, awfully, slipped, sweet, good, standing

LIST TWO: jump, good, sorrow, sherry, drizzle, up, grief

Answer: Fine drizzle.
Dry sherry.
Awfully good.
Slipped up.
Sweet sorrow.
Good grief.
Standing jump.

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
This is considered by some to be the ultimate tool. With its waterproof properties, it was quickly adopted for a specific military application when originally introduced. The US Government also has recommended that all homes have it available. Along with its waterproof properties, it is known for its superior bonding, is heat resistant, and is extremely strong. It is easy to use with no training required, and is widely available in various sizes and colors. NASA thinks so highly of this, it is included on every flight that leaves the launch pad. No home, military unit, or spacecraft should be without it.

What type of tool is this?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.

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