Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to MONDAY AUGUST 9, 2021

One-liners………

• Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

• Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

• Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.

• Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.

• Perhaps you know why women over fifty don’t have babies; they would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.

• One of life’s mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make you gain five pounds.

• God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.

• It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

• If you can remain calm, you just don’t have all the facts.

• I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.

• Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.

• The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

• Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

• The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don’t know what I’m doing, someone else does.

• Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.You don’t stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.

• I don’t mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a GREAT MONDAY! people, stay safe, and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“The owner of a clown motel in Nevada is looking to sell it. The clown motel is
like any other motel, except it only has one parking spot.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A company has created a line of non-alcoholic wines for cats containing catnip, water,
and organic beet juice for owners who want to drink with their pets. Said the cats,
“Yeah, I’d love to, but I actually have a thing tonight.'” -Seth Meyers

“A new study says that children are suffering bad health effects from eating too
much pizza. The study was explained in a pie chart which children
immediately tried to eat.” -Conan O’Brien

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
When Diane found out she was pregnant, she told the good news to anyone who would listen.
But her 4-year-old son overheard some of her parents’ private conversations. One day when
Diane and her 4-year-old were shopping a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby.
“Yes!” the 4-year-old said, “and I know what we are going to name it, too. If it’s a girl we’re going
to call her Christina, and if it’s another boy we’re going to call it quits!”😳

Fridays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“You really scared me, if that’s what you wanted. Is that what you wanted?”

Answer: When A Stranger Calls
Jill asked this to the stranger on the phone in the movie, ‘When A Stranger Calls’. There was someone who called her and hung up, and it freaked her out, inside an unfamiliar house.
This movie was about a girl named Jill. Someone kept on calling her on the phone while she babysat two kids. But she did not know who it was, because they hung up everytime. After a while, she called the police. They told her that he had to be on the line for at least sixty seconds to know where he was calling from. She later found out that he called from inside the house. He had one purpose: to kill Jill and the two little kids.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“A lot of good that’s done.”

Friday’s Quizzler is….​
This is considered by some to be the ultimate tool. With its waterproof properties, it was quickly adopted for a specific military application when originally introduced. The US Government also has recommended that all homes have it available. Along with its waterproof properties, it is known for its superior bonding, is heat resistant, and is extremely strong. It is easy to use with no training required, and is widely available in various sizes and colors. NASA thinks so highly of this, it is included on every flight that leaves the launch pad. No home, military unit, or spacecraft should be without it.

What type of tool is this?

Answer: Duct Tape.
Remember the Dept of Homeland Security warning to purchase duct tape and plastic to help against biological or chemical attacks. And yes, NASA does send up duct tape with every flight. It was useful in the famous troubled Apollo 13 mission, and was credited in part with saving the lives of those astronauts.

Monday’s Quizzler is…….
Oxy has returned to the building! crowd applauds

Task (once again):
Can you figure out which well known oxymorons these words are?
Ex) Initial facsimile = original copy

1) Urbane defiance
2) Specific possibility
3) Bogus truth
4) Big tiny
5) Gravely comical

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.

CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.
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