WELCOME to TUESDAY AUGUST 10, 2021
Assorted Short Stories…..
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, “My Mummy looked back once, while she was driving,” he announced triumphantly, “and she turned into a telephone pole!”
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten,
robbed and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama.
Then, she asked the class, “If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?” A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, “I think I’d throw up.”
DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, “Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?”
“No,” replied Johnny. “How could he, with just two worms.”
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, “We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in
Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?” One child blurted out, “Aces!”
MOSES & THE RED SEA:
Nine-year-old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school. “Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then, he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.” “Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?” his mother asked. “Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you’d never believe it!”
THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD:
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible; Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the verse. Little Rick was excited about the task, but, he just couldn’t remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, “The Lord is my Shepherd, and that’s all I need to know.”
The preacher’s 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head, for a moment, before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why. “Well, Honey,” he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages, “I’m asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.” “How come He doesn’t do it?” she asked.
A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, “So your mother says your prayers for you each night? Very commendable. What does she say?” The little boy replied, “Thank God he’s in bed!”
UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER
During the minister’s prayer, one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Gary’s mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, “Gary, whatever made you do such a thing?”
Gary answered, soberly, “I asked God to teach me to whistle, And He just then did!”
TIME TO PRAY:
A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night. “Yes sir,” the boy replied.
“And, do you always say them in the morning, too?” the pastor asked.
“No sir,” the boy replied. “I ain’t scared in the daytime.”
BEWARE OF TRASH:
One particular four-year old prayed, “And forgive us our’trash baskets’ as
we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.”
ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS?
When my daughter, Kelli, was 3, she and my son, Cody, would say their nightly prayers, together.
As most children do, we have to bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past).
For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, “And all girls.”
As this soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this at the end, my curiosity got the best of me and
I asked her, “Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?”
Her response, “Because we always finish our prayers by saying ‘All Men’!”
SAY A PRAYER:
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother’s house.
Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
“Johnny wait until we say our prayer.”
“I don’t have to,” The boy replied.
“Of course, you do,” his mother insisted. “We say a prayer, before eating, at our house.”
“That’s our house,” Johnny explained. “But this is Granddad’s house and he knows how to cook.
That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY! people, stay safe, and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“You know those little robot vacuums called Roombas? The company that makes them says
that Roombas have the capability to map out your home while they clean it, and it’s planning
to sell that information to Amazon and Google. We all thought that the Roomba was just
vacuuming; turns out it was casing the joint.” -James Corden
“A Georgia man is facing charges after he tried to enter a Waffle House completely naked.
Ugh. Can you imagine? Walking into a Waffle House barefoot?” -Seth Meyers
“This was a little controversial: Pope Francis recently said that the majority of modern Catholic
marriages are worthless because couples don’t always mean it when they say they’ll love each
other forever. And that’s the last time Pope Francis was ever asked to give a best man speech.” -Jimmy Fallon
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck with a dog sitting behind the wheel
was rolling toward a female pedestrian. She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention.
She looked up just in time to jump out of the way of the truck’s path, and the vehicle bumped
harmlessly into the curb and stopped. I rushed to the woman’s side to see if she was all right.
“I’m fine,” she assured me, “but if that dog hadn’t honked…” 😱😳😁😎
Mondays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“A lot of good that’s done.”
Answer: New York Minute!
Roxy Ryan said this to her sister, Jane, in “New York Minute”. She told her this when they got mad at each other. Jane said that she had been helping her the entire day, so Roxy said that it had not been a good day. This movie was about two sisters who spent a day in New York. Jane had a speech to do, while Roxy wanted to go to a Simple Plan concert. But their day together did not turn out well.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“We do not speak his name!”
Monday’s Quizzler is….
Oxy has returned to the building! crowd applauds
Task (once again):
Can you figure out which well known oxymorons these words are?
Ex) Initial facsimile = original copy
1) Urbane defiance
2) Specific possibility
3) Bogus truth
4) Big tiny
5) Gravely comical
Answer: 1) Civil Disobedience
2) Definite maybe
3) False fact
4) Jumbo shrimp
5) Seriously funny
Oxy has left the building (at least for now…)
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
Crazy Billy Bob is at it again! Apparently, the last state he visited wasn’t quite up to par again. This time, it had something to do with a strange allergic reaction to Camellias….
Once again, Crazy Billy Bob sets out for ten more U.S. states, on his search for a new home. Can you figure out what states he visited next by the clues listed below?
- A game played on a court with “love” + Large Body of Water
- Mr. Sip’s Wife + A Small, Round Vegetable Found in a Pod
- Male Name + Male Name + First Letter of Alphabet
- A Metric Unit Equal to 100 Square Meters + A Metal Cylinder That Holds Food + Cut
- Mr. Sirry’s Single Daughter
- Another Word for Sick + To Cause Slight Irritation to Another
- Native American + First Letter of Alphabet
- Male Name + Repeat
- Very Tiny + A Carbonated Beverage
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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