WELCOME to MONDAY AUGUST 24, 2021
Here’s The Story…..
NEW YORK – A public school teacher was arrested today at John F Kennedy International Airport as he attempted
to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
“Al-gebra is a problem for us,” Ashcroft said. “They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like ‘x’ and ‘y’ and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns,’ but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.
As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, ‘There are 3 sides to every triangle.’
Update : ‘When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, “If God had wanted us to have better Weapons of Math Instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.” White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the president.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“The American Academy of Pediatrics has suggested that people under the age of 18 should be
banned from tanning salons. Parents that take their kids to tanning salons should be
banned from parenting.” -Jimmy Fallon
“In Virginia someone broke into a man’s apartment, cleaned it, and took nothing. Completely
cleaned the place. Police are describing the suspect as his mother.” -Conan O’Brien
“According to a new report, by 2050, the world’s oceans will contain more plastic trash than fish.
So the next time you get dumped, remember: There’s plenty of trash in the sea.” -Seth Meyers
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
The daughter asks her father, “Dad, there is something that my boyfriend said to me that I didn’t
understand. He is sooooo into his cars and said that ‘I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper.'”
Her dad said, “You tell your boyfriend that if he opens your hood and tries to check your oil, I will tighten
his lug nuts so hard that his headlights will pop out and he will start leaking oil out of his exhaust pipe.” 😳
Fridays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Either you are very smart or incredibly stupid.”
Answer: Enemy of the State!
In the events leading up to this scene, labor lawyer Robert Clayton Dean (Will Smith) is given (unbeknownst to him) an incriminating videotape that shows the assassination of a U.S. Congressman (Jason Robards). A treacherous National Security Administration official named Thomas Reynolds (Jon Voight) and his gang are responsible for the assassination and they start chasing Dean using bugs and surveillance satellites trying to get the tape. In this scene Dean has just met his long-time but secretive information supplier Edward “Brill” Lyle (Gene Hackman), who wants to know if the gang is after him too. Dean replies with line one and Brill reacts to that response with line two. This fast-paced (average shot length about 2.4 seconds) action thriller is one my favorites.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“By the way, we had that water brought in specially for you folks. Came from a well in Hinkley.”
“I think this meeting is over.”
Friday’s Quizzler is….
The following limerick has had the last word of each line scrambled. Can you figure it out?
It is the unfortunate THIAB
Of the rabbit to breed like a BIRTBA.
One can say without NOUSETIQ
This leads to TECGSONINO
In the burrows that rabbits TANIIBH.
It is the unfortunate habit
Of the rabbit to breed like a rabbit.
One can say without question
This leads to congestion
In the burrows that rabbits inhabit.
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
Pete’sa Pete lists prices for his extra toppings in pairs. How much does each topping cost by itself? Each price is whole-dollar increments.
Pineapple & Hot Peppers $7
Broccoli & Extra Cheese $6
Mushrooms & Onions $2
Black Olives & Hot Peppers $5
Pepperoni & Mushrooms $4
Onions & Black Olives $3
Extra Cheese & Mushrooms $5
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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