WELCOME to TUESDAY AUGUST 31, 2021
I’m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
I am in shape. Round’s a shape…
I’m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.
Have you ever noticed that anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where she is.
The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it’s you.
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you’ve got a t-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it’s such a beautiful animal. I think my mother is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her.
Future historians will be able to study at the Gerald Ford Library; the James Carter Library; the Ronald Reagan Library and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming like the passengers in his car.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling
something or not very bright.” – Laurell K. Hamilton
“Be careful about reading health books. Some
fine day you’ll die of a misprint.” – Markus Herz
“Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make
a good excuse.” – Thomas Stephen Szasz
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity;
and I’m not sure about the universe.” – Albert Einstein
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Dewey was having a lot of difficulty in French class. To encourage him, his teacher said, “You’ll know
you’re really beginning to get it when you start dreaming in French.”
Dewey ran into class all excited one day, saying, “Teacher, teacher! I had a dream last
night and everyone was talking in French!”
“Great!” said the teacher; “what were they saying?”
“I don’t know,” Dewey replied; “I couldn’t understand a word they were saying.” 😳
Mondays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Don’t steal anything! If I come back here and anything’s missing, I’m going straight to the police. I mean it!”
“Go to school, Joel. Learn something.”
Answer: Risky Business!
In the events leading up to this scene the parents of Chicago teenager Joel Goodson (Tom Cruise) leave him in charge of their house while they are on vacation. Goaded on by his friend Miles (Curtis Armstrong) Joel eventually gets hooked up with sexy call girl Lana (Rebecca De Mornay) and spends the night with her. The next day Joel has to leave for school and reluctantly leaves her alone in the house. As he leaves he warns her with line one. She replies with line two. This is Curtis Armstrong’s first movie. I didn’t realize this myself, but according to the IMDb, actor Sean Penn makes a cameo appearance in this movie (as the man sitting in the passenger seat as Joel first takes the Porsche for a spin).
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Your Honor, may I have permission to treat Ms. Vito as a hostile witness?”
“You think I’m hostile now? Wait ’til you see me tonight.”
Monday’s Quizzler is….
When telling a story
About flounder or dory,
I often end up far apart.
But when bowing your head
Or mourning your dead,
I’m together and close to your heart.
You may lend me or hold me
Or show me or fold me,
And all this is merely a start.
What am I?
The first stanza and the title refer to the typical “fisherman’s tale” about the “one that got away”.
In the second stanza, bowing your head refers to either praying or the Asian form of greeting. The mourning reference is to “wringing one’s hands”.
You can “lend a hand” and “hold someone’s hand”. In Poker, players show their hands to find who wins or fold their hand if it is no good. The last line refers to the many other uses of the word “hand”!
The hint refers to other usages – bananas grow in hands, a horse’s height is measured in hands (4 inches), an assistant may be known as a hand (e.g. stagehand), and someone’s particular style of writing can be referred to as their “hand” (e.g. “leftclick has a very scrappy hand”).
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
What types of desserts are represented below?
Note: Most are Rebuses, some of which are implied by the language.
1) MrIxolite: “Aaaaaagh!”
2) Ban ana
3) King & Queen Cherry ascended the throne 25 years ago today.
Full Full Full
Claires on the internet
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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