Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 14, 2021

So Why DID the Chicken Cross the Road?

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road?

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken … and the road.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: The chicken crossed that road to steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called to warn me which way the chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: Why did the chicken cross the road? To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

DONALD TRUMP: We should build a wall so the chicken can’t cross the road.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2021, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2014. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“According to a new survey, about half of the world thinks kissing is gross.
That half is known as ‘married people.'” -Jimmy Fallon

“A man set a new world record after kicking himself in the head 134 times
in one minute. He broke the previous record of zero.” -Conan O’Brien

“A winery in France is currently facing a rose shortage. For those of you not
familiar with these terms, a winery is a group of women who have run out of rose.” -Seth Meyers

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed a tennis ball lying by the side of the walk.
Being fairly new and in good condition, he picked the ball up, put it in his pocket and proceeded on his way.
Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a young woman standing next to him smiling.
Noticing the rather distinct bulge she asked, “What do you have in your pocket?”
“Tennis ball,” the man said, smiling back.
“Wow!” said the woman looking upset. “That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was terrible!” 😳

Mondays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Don’t ever do nothin’ like this again. Don’t come back up here.”
“You don’t have to worry about that, Sheriff.”

Answer: Deliverance!
In the events leading up to this scene, outdoor enthusiast Lewis Medlock (Burt Reynolds) organizes a weekend canoeing trip down a soon-to-be-submerged river in the Georgia backcountry, with three urban businessmen (played by Jon Voight, Ned Beatty, and Ronny Cox) but they enter a nightmare. When two backcountry mountain men start to sexually assault one of the canoeists, Medlock kills him with a bow and arrow and they hide the body. Later, Ed Gentry (Jon Voight) kills the second one and his friends sink his body in the rising lake water. In this scene the local sheriff suspects but can’t prove that something happened, and he warns them with line one. Bobby Trippe (Ned Beatty) quickly replies with line two. In the 1973 Academy Awards, “Deliverance” was nominated in three categories, including Best Picture (but lost to “The Godfather”). The novel this movie is based on was written by James Dickey. He has a small part in this movie as Sheriff Bullard for the small town of Aintry (and has the quote in line one). The great bluegrass song “Dueling Banjos” was written for this movie and subsequently became a huge hit in 1973. However, Arthur Smith pointed out that he had written and recorded an almost identical tune in 1955 called “Feuding Banjos.” Smith eventually won a lawsuit over the issue.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Kids are scared of the dark.”
“You’re afraid of the dark, too, Marv.”

Monday’s Quizzler is….
Unscramble the words below and follow the directions in parentheses. Unscramble the new letters to get the name of a former U.S. President.

evon (take the 1st and 2nd letters)

cromaeviw (take the 5th and 9th letters)

drigef (take the 2nd and 6th letters)

knsi (take the 1st letter)

blate (take the 1st and 4th letters)

Answer: The unscrambled words are:

oven

microwave

fridge

sink or skin

table

o, v, o, e, r, e, s, t, l

Unscramble the letters to get: Roosevelt

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
Based on the clue in parentheses, find a four-letter word that can be inserted backwards into the blank to complete a longer word.

Example: di____ve (a defeat)
Answer: dissolve (“A defeat” gives you LOSS, which is placed backwards in the blank: di_SSOL_ve.)

ey____es (stood up)
li____er (open meshed fabrics)
r____ant (body part)
for____b (distance)

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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