Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 17, 2021

It Staggers The Mind……

Today’s Lesson: Paraprosdokian
A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists. Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but they also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a form of syllepsis.

Here are some examples:

Ø I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Ø Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Ø I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Ø Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Ø The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.

Ø Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Ø If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.

Ø We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Ø War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

Ø Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Ø The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

o Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

Ø A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

Ø How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Ø Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Ø Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

Ø I thought I wanted a career, but as it turns out I just wanted pay checks.

Ø A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

Ø Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”.

Ø I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Ø Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Ø Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

Ø A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Ø You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Ø The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Ø Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

Ø A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Ø Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.

Ø Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Ø Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

Ø I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.

Ø I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

Ø When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Ø You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

Ø To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Ø Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

Ø Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

Ø A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

Ø Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT WEEKEND people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

Never go to a doctor whose office
plants have died. Erma Bombeck

Marriage is the only war in which you
sleep with the enemy. Francois de La Rochefoucauld

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere
in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
Bill Waterson

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness
didn’t know where to shop.

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
The Ten Commandments display was recently removed from the Alabama Supreme Court building.
There was a good reason for the move. You can’t post
Thou Shalt Not Steal,
Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,
and Thou Shall Not Lie
in a building full of lawyers and politicians without creating a hostile work environment. 😲

Thursdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Pardon me, sir, but I lost my ID in… in a flood and I’d like to get some Old Harper, hard stuff. Would you mind buying a bottle for me?”
“Why certainly. I lost my wife, too – her name wasn’t Idy, though, and it wasn’t in a flood – but I know what ya… “

Answer: American Graffiti!
In the events leading up to this scene, Curt Henderson (Richard Dreyfuss) and Steve Bolander (Ron Howard) are spending one last night with some of their friends in their hometown before heading off to college in the morning. In this scene Terry “Toad” Fields (Charles Martin Smith) has been goaded into buying some liquor by his new girlfriend Debbie Dunham (Candy Clark) with the line, “I bet you’re smart enough to get us some brew,” and he parks himself outside a liquor store. As a bum enters the store Terry speaks the first line to him and he replies with the second. A few minutes later the bum runs out of the store after an apparent robbery and pitches the bottle to Terry as the storeowner runs to the doorway and starts yelling. In the 1974 Academy Awards, “American Graffiti” was nominated in five categories, including Best Picture (but lost to “The Sting”). It is commonly misbelieved that the American TV series “Happy Days” was a spin off from this movie. In actuality, the pilot for the series was seen on the TV show “Love, American Style” and it aired before “American Graffiti” began production. The episode was titled “Love and Happy Days” and it aired on February 25, 1972. That episode featured eventual “Happy Days” cast members Ron Howard, Anson Williams and Marion Ross.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Which one, sir?”
“All of them.”

Thursday’s Quizzler is….​
Mr. Ixolite was in Mexico on his holidays and was looking to try the hottest chili he could find.
He went into a restaurant and ordered a hot one. After the fire in his mouth had been put out, and he sat there gasping for breath, the waiter came up to him and said,
“Excuse me, Senor Ixolite, we are very sorry, but we accidentally gave you the wrong chili. We gave you the mild one instead of this very hot one. Would you like it?”

MrIxolite paled, but being unable to speak, grabbed a napkin and wrote out the following rebus:

Hose A)
Hose B) Way
Hose C) Way

What was Mr. Ixolite trying to say?

Answer: NO WAY JOSE!
(No Way at Hose A)

Friday’s Quizzler is…….
Using the following hints, how can you get from the first word to the fourth word to the seventh word?

Word 2 is a synonym of Word 1. One letter of the second word has been changed to make Word 3. Word 3 was changed to present tense to make Word 4. Word 5 is a synonym of Word 4. One letter was removed from Word 5 to make Word 6. Word 7 is a synonym of Word 6.

Giant _ Bite _ Chop

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.

CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.
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