WELCOME to THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 30, 2021
On the first day, God created the dog and said:
‘Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.’
The dog said: ‘That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?’
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said:
‘Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.’
The monkey said: ‘Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?’
And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said:
‘You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family.
For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.’
The cow said: ‘That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty yea rs… How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?’
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created humans and said:
‘Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.’
But the human said: ‘Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back,
and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?’
‘Okay,’ said God, ‘You asked for it.’
So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family.
For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I’m doing it as a public service.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT THURSDAY people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“I saw that Dunkin’ Donuts just introduced its first gluten-free menu item.
It’s perfect for people who care about what they put in their body, but also don’t.” -Jimmy Fallon
“Apple is exploring ways to turn Siri into people’s personal therapist. In fact, this
morning when I asked Siri for today’s weather she said, ‘Stop trying to replace your father.'” -Conan O’Brien
“An 83-year-old grandfather in California recently pushed a suspected burglar off
his roof. Neighbors are calling it shocking while the roofer is calling it the last
time he works on that house.” -Seth Meyers
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A man walks into a bar and orders three beers. The bartender brings him the three beers, and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until they’re gone. He then orders three more and the bartender says, “Sir, don’t you like your beer cold? Why don’t you start with one, and I’ll bring you a fresh one as soon as you’re low.” The man says, “You don’t understand. I have two brothers, one in Austria and one in Ireland. We made a vow to each other when they moved away that every Saturday night, we’d still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three beers too, and we’re drinking together.” The bartender thinks it’s a wonderful tradition, and every week he sets up the guy’s three beers. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them and then orders two more. The bartender says sadly, “Knowing your tradition, I’d just like to just say that I hope nothing has happened to one of your brothers.” The man replies, “Oh, my brothers are fine — I just quit drinking.” 😳
Wednesdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“I read a lot myself. Some people think I’m too intellectual but I think it’s a fabulous way to spend your spare time.
I also play racquetball. Do you have any hobbies?”
“I collect spores, molds, and fungus.”
In the events leading up to this scene, three professors, specializing in parapsychology, are thrown out of their college and decide to form a business named Ghostbusters, that specializes in ghost removal. In this scene Ghostbusters receptionist Janine Melnitz (Annie Potts) is making small talk with Dr. Egon Spengler (Harold Ramis) and says the first line. He replies with the second. In the 1985 Academy Awards “Ghostbusters” was nominated for Best Visual Effects but was beaten out by “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.” John Belushi was originally slated to play Dr. Peter Venkman in “Ghostbusters,” but after his sudden death in 1982 Bill Murray was cast and the role was extensively rewritten. The college scenes were filmed at Columbia University in New York City, but they agreed to this only on the condition the school not be mentioned by name in the film.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“When Disneyland opened in 1956, nothing worked.”
“Yes, but John when the Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don’t eat the tourists.”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is….
In each of the following words, three letters, indicated by *’s, are missing. Each missing triplet is the
name of an animal. Can you fill them in so that each creates a common word?
Answer: CAT, CUR, EWE, RAM. Making EDUCATION, PRECURSOR, BREWERY, PYRAMID.
Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
What phrase is represented below?
Gulp UR LIONS
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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